Bikezilla is the handle for Tom Schaller, a professional in the varmint control industry and a crack interviewer of personalities in the world of cycling. His writing can be found here and on his blog, Bikezilla: Ride the Puddles. At four years old, before he could read or write, and before he could ride a bike, Bikezilla wanted to be a writer. He figured that if he couldn’t write stories, he’d tell them. For instance, he told his mom that he’d hold his new baby sister while she (mom) ran into the house for a moment. Then he dropped that very same new baby sister upon the ground. Not on purpose, but still he dropped her. She cried, mom came running, he got yelled at. They’ve hated each other ever since. Some things are just meant to be, and she was meant to be a brother. Sometime later he wrote a series of short stories based a Peter Gabriel’s “So” album. One of his sisters, no not that one, loved them. Knowing that he was supposed to suck when he wrote his first stories he also knew that she was a lying ho bag. It did not matter than she read and reread those stories many times. She was a liar. And so they also came to hate each other. Thusly did Bikezilla wander through his life, leaving a black trail of dysfunction in his wake. Until Lesli Cohen found him digging through a McDonald’s dumpster for food and said, “Come, sit in that corner and eat your maggot covered dregs, and write for me, away from all the Wangdoodles and Hornswogglers and Snozzwangers and rotten, Vermicious knids.” Right, she quoted Willy Wonka. Bikezilla didn’t get it, either. But he came and he ate his picked-over trash and he wrote and life was. It just was. You can follow Tom on Twitter @bikezilla1 and can take a gander at his artwork on his Etsy page.
On day one of my 30 Days of Cycling, I figured out: 1. I both hate and won’t do without certain cycling-related things. 2. I’m a whiny, unappreciative ...On February 3, 2014 / By Bikezilla
Bikes. They’ve always been part of my life. But, not always in whatever way I want them to be at the time. Right now it isn’t so much ...On December 6, 2013 / By Bikezilla
First, let’s get the “But, why don’t they ride on the sidewalk?” questions out of the way. In many places riding the sidewalk is illegal. The list of ...On October 15, 2013 / By Bikezilla
D had passed this bike, chained and locked to this stretch of fence, many times. It was an old bike. A mountain bike. It was pretty good once, ...On October 8, 2013 / By Bikezilla
It was a Schwinn World with a birthdate that fell in March of 1969. A sweet old bike for the price. He got it from some guy who bought ...On October 1, 2013 / By Bikezilla
Mark was one year behind me in school, fat and whiny, with freckles and coarse reddish sandy hair. He was like Howdy Doody on a constant Twinkie high. ...On September 24, 2013 / By Bikezilla
Author’s note: While I’m in Chicago I see and sometimes meet people doing interesting things on their bikes. This, I hope, is the first in what will be ...On September 15, 2013 / By Bikezilla
Another rusted, steel fire door bolted to a wall of pock-marked brick and crumbling mortar. The janitor, his hair so short and fine that it almost wasn’t there, ...On September 1, 2013 / By Bikezilla
I spend a lot of time at work sitting in my car and waiting for people to show up; janitors, engineers, owners, tenants. Whoever happens to have the ...On August 26, 2013 / By Bikezilla
The sky was very clear and the sun especially bright, making the shade on the heavily tree-lined trail deeper and more mottled. Riding toward me were a ...On August 18, 2013 / By Bikezilla
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