All’s Well That End’s Well (Tower Hamlet)
The scene of the race. All riders on stage. BRIAN and HUGH commentating.
BRIAN. Now early on, some six did break away,
Engaged in an unfriendly game of chess
On wheels, to mop up the last of the sprint
Seconds on offer, and take a final chance
To maximise position on GC,
And secure the Yodel Points Jersey.
HUGH. Sprint the first did textbook proceed,
Bauer took first, and seconds he did need,
Leapfrogs the rider ahead on GC,
And claims top 5 for Garmin and JV.
BRIAN. The second sprint did see some tempers fray,
A hand was raised, a rider pushed away?
The Commisaires stepped in to relegate
Williams, no Points Jersey will he replicate.
WILLIAMS. The rider did protest too much, methinks!
HUGH. And on the third, Madrazo lost his legs,
Exhaustion of his effort this last week,
His enemy becomes, and in his place,
He sends brave Dowsett, to sweep up the points.
DOWSETT. Though this be madness, yet there is method in’t
BRIAN. And Dowsett makes a gap, and carries on
Hopeful some that they might leave him be,
And chase him not – slight chance!
HUGH. The sprinters have smelled blood, and braying they
Drive forward their trains, take up familiar lines
And none can match the raw power coming from
Omega Pharma Quickstep.
CAV. To win, or not to win, that is the question…
BRIAN. A sprinters day is this, and drive they forward,
Yet all the while Team Sky maintain a vigil,
To keep safe the gold Jersey on Wiggo’s back.
HUGH. And watch Pettachi deliver Cavendish!
Positioned perfect, powering to the line,
And Yates upsets the other practised sprinters
Stealing second from Viviani’s grasp.
BRIAN. Wiggo does roll across the line unscathed
The gold is won, and Cavendish has ten!
British victorious upon the final stage,
Cry God for Wiggo, Cavendish and Saint George!