USADA Response to UCI Press Release
September 27, 2012
Earlier today, UCI president Pat McQuaid expressed concerns over our delays in issuing our case file on Lance Armstrong. There was an implication that we sanctioned Mr. Armstrong without sufficient preparation.
Rest assured, we had assembled a more than complete case, which we were fully prepared to turn over to the UCI faster than a doper can climb Mt. Ventoux.
Unfortunately, we had not expected the flood of additional evidence that would come forth as a result of this case. First of all, Mr. Armstrong apparently has a singular talent not just for bike racing and doping, but also for taking perfectly loyal and trustworthy friends and converting them (in vast numbers) into angry, backstabbing new sources of highly-detailed information.
And second, the UCI’s response to the situation has been such a spectacular slow-motion implosion that even a blind gopher could see the impending shitstorm bearing down on the UCI like a soon-to-be-extinct herd of pissed-off rhinoceri. In the ensuing panic among the rank-and-file UCI minions, the outflow of photocopied documents and illicitly-recorded audio tapes has rivaled WikiLeaks. “Rats from a sinking ship” could not be more apropos.
So you see our problem. We’re drowning in new witnesses and evidence that we did not expect. We’ve actually reached the point where we are going to have to ask all those with new evidence to make sure to have it to us by Monday, October 1st, or it can not be considered, no matter how many bribes, prostitutes, or death threats might be revealed.
It saddens us to have to refuse so much quality evidence, but expediency requires no less than these drastic measures. Once this evidence is in hand we should be able to get the completed case file out within two weeks, which is hopefully soon enough that we won’t have to wade through too many more of these whiny letters and conversational press releases from Pat.
USADA thanks you for your patience in this matter.
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CONTACT:
USADA Media Relations
Phone (888) 867-5309
E-mail: patsucks@usada.org
2 Comments
When I called that number, some chick named Jenny answered.
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