Team Sky principal and Dr. Evil doppelgänger David Brailsford announced today the addition of American musical talent mogul Scooter Braun to the British super team as the new president of the club, keeping in line with Brailsford’s mantra of bringing talent to the team from outside of the sport.
“I am thrilled to announce that Scooter Braun – the man behind Psy, Justin Bieber, and Carly Rae Jepsen – has agreed to join the Team Sky brain trust in a newly-created role of president. Scooter’s appointment will allow me to spend more time in my GB cycling role as we prepare for Rio de Janeiro in 2016,” stated Brailsford at an elaborately-staged press conference held in the Cockcroft Theatre at the Manchester Conference Centre.
In spite of the tangible connection between Team Sky and the music world – notable instances include Bradley Wiggins’ love for all things Paul Weller, the team’s laughable attempt to craft a memorable theme song for the 2012 Tour de France in “Go Far” by the Elite, and the Team Sky efforts with Spotify – the recruitment of a music executive as the new head for the British cycling juggernaut caught many at the press conference off guard.
“Scooter Braun is an interesting choice. There’s no doubt he has an eye for musical talent, but will this correlate into success in managing a cycling team? I’m not convinced that this young man has what it takes to keep the crew out of trouble,” commented one Sky Sports pundit who may or may not have been Lia Hervey.
Other journalists heralded the move as brilliant.
“Look this man protected Justin Bieber forever. He placates the incredible demands of the stars and still manages to keep them focused and on their game in spite of the vast armies of individuals who want a piece of their empires. He just might be the man to understand what Wiggins and Froome will be up against next year as the pressure from the British press and the public could reach Sisyphean proportions,” commented Sky chronicler and cheerleader Ricardo Moorres.
There was some controversy with the move, as one of Braun’s musical hits was used successfully by Orica-GreenEDGE to promote their team’s activities, prompting Braun to comment on potential conflicts in the cycling world, including rumors of sponsoring another team.
“Look, I don’t mind if other teams use my artists’ hits to promote their teams. In fact, my record label is in negotiation to potentially sponsor a white label team, putting the face of Korean mega-superstar Psy on the front of their jerseys. In fact, I really don’t see this as a problem, as the incestuous nature of professional cycling is well-documented. I’m not sure why it would be considered controversial,” commented Braun.
Braun announced that his first move in his new role would be a business deal with the Pacha Nightclub group.
“There a strong correlation between professional male cyclists and nightclubs. I’m looking forward to innovative business promotions coming out of this partnership,” commented Braun.
Braun and Brailsford wowed the press conference attendees, concluding with an impromptu concert put on by Psy and MC Hammer a mere 24 hours after they had closed out the American Music Awards on Sunday. Brailsford, Braun, Wiggins, and Steve Peeters did an impromptu “Oppa Gangnam Style” on stage with the performers before the Team Sky posse headed out for a night of dancing and carousing.