Controversial Canadian mayor Rob Ford has launched a protest against the Canadian Press Agency after their selection of Giro winner Ryder Hesjedal as Canadian athlete of the year, and has renewed his campaign to rid his city of “the cycling scourge.”
Ford on a mission to take on his next foe, Ryder Hesjedal (photo courtesy Canadian Press/Chris Young)
Ford held a press conference on the steps of Ontario Superior Court – flanked by hundreds of face-painted supporters wearing hockey jerseys – mere moments after he received word that a defamation lawsuit launched against him in 2010 was thrown out of court.
“I am absolutely ashamed of the press in this country for acknowledging this guy who runs around in lycra, racing on bikes that clog up my city’s traffic. This is a direct result of the liberalization of the press, and part of a wider campaign by NHL team owners to discredit our great nation of Canada. Bike riding is for three-year-olds in cul-de-sacs, not for grown men who should be playing football or hockey,” commented Ford.
Ford has launched a new website, saynotolycra.ca, to campaign for the removal of Hesjedal as the Lionel Conacher Male Athlete of the Year, and has assembled a legal team to explore filing another one of his famous lawsuits against the “perpetrators of Canadian defamation.”
“Look, we need to stamp out the disease of bicycles quickly, or pretty soon we won’t be able to drive our cars as fast and as recklessly as we do now. Bike paths? Also for those three-year-olds I mentioned moments ago. This whole bicycle racing movement is un-Canadian, and is bad for Torontonians. I will meet this challenge as I’ve met every other challenge, head-on with lots of yelling,” stated Ford.
Ford is currently battling his removal from office, as he violated the Municipal Conflict of Interest Act, and is waging a war to remain in office, eerily reminiscent of Lance Armstrong’s legal wranglings to fight USADA over jurisdiction. When asked if his newest campaign to remove Hesjedal as Canadian Athlete of the Year was at the behest of automobile lobbyists, Ford was succinct.
“So? What’s the problem with that? So I like automobiles and I hate bikes. I’m the mayor. I make the decisions. Too bad for everyone else,” stated Ford.
Representatives of Hesjedal were quick to respond to the Ford action.
“It’s typical of someone with marginal authority in the center of the Canadian universe to think they can determine what’s best for millions of people, when in fact they’re only protecting their own selfish interests. Seems to be quite a bit of that going around in Canada. Must be why Ryder chooses to hang out with us in Maui,” commented official Hesjedal spokesperson “Shirtless” Laird Hamilton.
Canadian sports pundits were mixed on the move by Ford.
“Ford seems to forget a figure skater was the top male athlete last year, and they sometimes wear lycra. Really, I just think Ford’s upset because the Leafs are on strike, and he couldn’t gloat over the Argonaut Grey Cup victory because he was dealing with being removed from office. I’m quite pleased Hesjedal is the top male athlete. He’s been through some hard times at the hands of Canadian cycling politicos. Go Eskimos!” commented former professional cyclist Alex Stieda.
Ford fanboy Don Cherry was less supportive of Hesjedal.
“Cyclists are pansies. Make the Tour a full contact sport with riders being bodychecked into those traffic islands and then they’ll be deserving winners. I’m more interested in watching Barry Melrose talking about the hockey strike than paying attention to that sport,” commented Cherry.
Ford’s next moves on the Hesjedal front won’t be coming until after January 7th, when he’ll know if he is officially removed from office as mayor of Toronto.
4 Comments
First to be clear: I am a cyclist in Toronto. A decade as a messenger, 5+ years pro-racer. I’m also a driver. And a Mayor Ford laugher.. not a hater, or supporter. Make no mistake, despite a few virtues (maybe) Mayor Ford can be extremely ignorant and has foot-in-mouth syndrome.
But I must ask, how much of the quotations in this satirical story are truly from the people mentioned? Has the conscience of media at all levels completely vanished? This propaganda against Mayor Ford is no different than the Amber Lyon’s whistle blowing that CNN is paid by Bahrain to air favorable news stories and censor the unfavorable. See this link if you’re unfamiliar: http://www.theidealistrevolution.com/amber-lyon-reveals-cnn-lies-and-war-propaganda/
Also: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BguFDmpmBYY
Amber Lyon seems quite committed to reveal the big business of governmental censorship and propaganda in the international media. I applaud her for this. But this is nothing new in the media.
Cyclismas publishing this “story” about Mayor Ford is no different than CNN accepting payment from governments to air a preferred version of the “truth” to influence public opinion. This story by Frank Mercer is nothing short of political pandering and I think it should be viewed as such. This type of satirical small print is becoming frighteningly all too common. The falseness is not as obvious as watching the tongue-in-cheek commentary of John Stewart on the Comedy Channel.
Both of these stories popped up in my Facebook feed this morning. As I read this Ford story I became angry, at first not realizing it’s fake. There are quotations used to insinuate that the words within them actually came from Ford’s mouth! Now don’t get me wrong, in context these types of articles are funny as hell. But all too often people read them believing a great deal is truth. I think it needs to be made very clear at the top that everything written is false.
It’s a dangerous slope that idealistic people are sliding down when they themselves write untrue “quotations” in an effort to “fight the power”. The far left in Canada and the US is fast becoming as ignorant and irresponsible as the far right. Everybody wants power at any cost. If I find myself on this site again, I will take it for face value; a joke.
crash Your first clue should be the category under which these stories are posted – “News or Not…?” Have you never heard of The Onion? This, as well as Mercer’s other pieces, is in the fine tradition of satire. That’s the point – you always have a nugget of truth in there with the outlandishness that is specifically designed to point a finger squarely at the offending issue.
Thanks for your thoughtful reply!
cycletard crash except that people are posting it to their Twitter feeds without flagging it as satire.
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