The UCI have announced that as of next year, all personnel involved in the organizing of races and anyone associated with official World Championships bidding must officially change their name to McQuaid.
Speaking on the bizarre ruling, UCI President Pat McQuaid, said:
I’ve had enough of all this bollocks about conflicts of interest here, there and bloody everywhere! Darach does the odd wee bit of PR work and Andrew is a rider agent. So, what? You’d think they were getting preferential treatment, or something, the way some folk go on about it! Therefore, I’ve decided that if everyone has the surname McQuaid then there can’t possibly be any conflict of interest.”
When asked by this journalist if it wouldn’t simply be better to ensure that no members of his immediate family had a personal interest in matters where the UCI must make financial decisions, McQuaid replied:
Shoite, I never thought of that!”
Mr. McQuaid also denied rumors that he would like to see the sport of cycling renamed “McQuaiding” in his honor by 2015. The Oxford English Dictionary is also upset at this suggestion, as their latest edition states that “McQuaiding is defined by the act of gross nepotism in the face of public incredulity.”