The past year we have seen a plethora of terms entering into the phrase book of cycling pundits, professionals, and fans alike. I am not talking about the tired old cliches that those two fossils trot out each July. These are as fresh as the morning dew. Given the massive upheavals in pro cycling this year, there was always going to be a rich crop of terms to choose from. Many have come from the explosive Tyler Hamilton book, The Secret Race. Some have been trotted out of the Sky PR machine like they were on the gear. Others have just popped up from the ether.
Enough of the jibber jabber, lets get to it.
Not Normal :
1. A term used by Lance Armstrong whilst looking in the mirror.
2. A term used by the rest of the peloton watching Lance Armstrong win 7 Tours de France in succession.
3. Cycling up a 25% incline at 30kph with your mouth closed.
1. To race on bread and water. For a lot of the peloton during the Lance years, not normal!
2. From the ancient and long-forgotten language Cyclismian, meaning to be beaten by filthy drug cheats.
Marginal Gains :
1: The Team SKY mantra for 2012.
2: Lance Armstrong keeping his wheel just in front of Tyler Hamilton’s on training rides.
Swear Bear :
1. Bradley Wiggins
2. Bradley #!*$-ing Wiggins
1. Lance Armstrong’s favourite word to describe people he disliked. i.e., anyone he saw as a threat, the non-believers, the non-dreamers.
2. Lance Armstrong
Edgar Alan Poe :
1. Erythropoietin, otherwise known as EPO, or Edgar Alan Poe by the guys injecting it. Can be shorten to Edgar or Poe.
2. An author I doubt many choads would have read.
Blood Bag :
1. A bag of blood. Usually carried around by Motoman (see below).
1. A man with a pixelated face who was charged with carrying an Esky around France for 3 weeks in July for a fat wad of cash.
Bone-idle Wankers :
1. Everyone in the world except Bradley Wiggins, his family, and anyone associated with Team Sky (although I suspect he applies the term to some of them these days)
Wag War :
1. The Twitter flame war waged between the Wives and Girlfriends of who at first glance would appear to be the harshest of enemies, but upon closer inspection are the first and second place getters in this year’s Tour de France.
Zero Tolerance :
1. A term which describes a team’s policy in regard to performance enhancing drugs. The ZERO part is used very loosely. Zero could mean never having taken drugs, to never having been caught, to never having killed a baby panda with a unicorn’s horn.
2. USADA’s stance taken towards Lance Armstrong and his posse.
Reasoned Decision :
1. A very reasoned decision taken by USADA that made everyone look slightly differently at Lance Armstrong.
Marianne Vos :
1. World-beating female cyclist who could probably hold her own in the men’s peloton.
2. A champion we can all get behind.
Glow Time :
1. The time after an injection of the go go juice wherein it shows up on drug tests.
2. In real time, a matter of minutes to hours, depending on the dope doctor.
White Lunch Bag :
1. A white bag used to deliver lunch. And when I say lunch, I mean Edgar (see above).
2. Not to be confused with the red bag of blood. (see Blood Bag, above)
Sure, there will be plenty more, but hopefully that will start a discussion on what people thought of the turbulent year that was pro cycling 2012.
Thanks to all who made suggestions on Twitter and Facebook.