Cyclismas
  • Home
  • Features
    • Reviews
    • Interviews
    • Delusions of Grimpeur
    • Two Cone Wrenches and a Megaphone
    • News or Not…?
    • Photography
    • Cartoons and Illustrations
  • Opinion
    • Commentary
    • Veloclinic
    • View from the Peloton
    • Viewpoint
  • Podcasts
    • Open Mic
    • Race Radio
  • Videos
  • Contact Us
Follow us on Facebook Follow us on Twitter Follow us on Instagram Follow us on Youtube
shakespeare on bike
Viewpoint 0

William Shakespeare’s Tour of Britain – Act 2

By Rebecca Love · On September 16, 2013

Act 2

The Tempest.

 

Scene 1

Daytime. More rain. HUGH and BRIAN are commentating on the action unfolding.

 

HUGH. There be some sports are pain, yet their undertaking

Delight in them sets off; and here see we

This illustrated so this very day.

 

BRIAN. What’s past is prologue; now matters just today,

And yet, alas, the storm has come again

The wind doth howl a curse across the land,

And, from the sky, the unrelenting rain

Upon the road doest leave a film of grease

Unwary rider to unseat its aim;

Descents are very treachery itself.

A septet ridest clear, the sprints to claim,

And revel for a while in their lead

Upon home roads, ambition to be freed.

 

HUGH. Two Gentlemen on Honister Pass set off,

Fair climbers both, to catch the seven in front.

Martin and Quintana, upon the rain-slicked roads

Of Cumbria, put frozen limbs to the test

As streams of icy water hasten past,

And lift the pace upon the brutal ramps,

Legs scream; all the while the peloton groans

“Hell is empty, and all the devils here!”

 

BRIAN. Garmin and Movistar hither work together?

Misery acquaints a man with strange bed-fellows!

 

HUGH. Indeed, yet soon enough all men are caught

And brought back to the fold, their efforts spent,

The group doth snake across the drenched roads.

But Lo! The Thane of Cavendish doest early stir!

To raise the flag of his attack some 10k out!

Good Lofkvist, sensing that the other riders have,

Their attentions turned to the charge of Cav,

Makes good the opportunity there given –

And slides his wheel away to force a gap.

The team of Sky, remorseless in their chase

Set upon the attacking man the beast of Stannard!

 

BRIAN. Brave Lofkvist, determined to avoid the snare

Doth bow his head and grimace with the pain

But slowly does the bunch reduce his breach,

Concealed in the drumming of the rain.

 

HUGH. A dual effort from An Post ranks

Does condemn heroic Lofkvist to a loss,

Caught cruelly within metres of the line!

 

BRIAN. Yet despite the greatest efforts of Bennett,

An Post will not have victory this day,

The mighty Ciolek will not be denied

A second time, and enters he the fray.

On the line MTN Qhubeka steal the Gold

And so our Tempestuous stage 2 tale is told.

Share Tweet

Rebecca Love

Rebecca Love is the proud owner of one husband, two children, a particularly stupid cat and far too many pairs of jeans. She once watched ITV for 26 hours straight to win a bet. Her favourite word is 'crepuscular', and she is surprisingly good at maths. She has only ever stuck 9 bidons up her top for fun. Not to be confused with the "other" Rebecca Love. Follow @bex_love on Twitter

You Might Also Like

  • View this image on Etsy - https://www.etsy.com/shop/Bikezilla Viewpoint

    30 Days of Cycling – A conundrum of inconvenience

  • tumblr_mzex46VBTC1ropreyo1_r1_1280 Viewpoint

    2014 Team kit overview

  • Sturmey Archer lamp image Viewpoint

    Memento mori – salvation in a bicycle

No Comments

Leave a reply Cancel reply

Subscribe & Follow

Follow @cyclismas
Follow on Instagram
Follow on rss
Ad
Ad
  • Popular
  • Comments
  • Tags
  • Groundhog Day for Cycling?

    October 17, 2012
  • Wiggins lets the insults fly!

    July 7, 2012
  • The Legend of the 500

    July 11, 2012
  • Paul Kimmage Defense Fund

    September 20, 2012
  • What is my trouble with a Team Sky Tour de France victory?

    July 19, 2012
  • firstclasswristband says: Personalize your silicone wristband to suit a special occasion. You can choose...
  • anihpzkneaye123 says: This post is worthy of appreciation, looking forward to more exciting!    <...
  • Rhodesy94 says: What a massive anticlimax. Here I am at 2:16am, trawling through the internet ...
  • dalee18 says: This video has been removed from YouTube - any chance we can get it reposted??...
  • SEO Services in Chennai says: Unable to play the video,  i am getting a message "The plug in is vulnerable"...
UCI Pat McQuaid Lance Armstrong Tour de France Team Sky Doping Johan Bruyneel Brad Wiggins Jonathan Vaughters Hein Verbruggen cyclocross Jonny Gunn Sven Nys #SVENNESS Cyclismas Cycling News Network Ripp Finklemann In the Crosshairs Mark Cavendish

Find us on Facebook

Latest Videos

  • Road Reel Ep. 4 thumb

    Cyclismas Road Reel – Episode 4

    August 1, 2013
  • Michelle road reel thumbnail

    Cyclismas Road Reel – Tour de France Exclusive with Michelle Cound

    July 15, 2013
  • Star Tours preview image

    Star Tours preview

    July 1, 2013
  • Screen Shot 2013-07-04 at 7.15.35 PM

    Cyclismas Road Reel – Episode 3

    June 29, 2013
  • roadreelbanner

    Cyclismas Road Reel – Episode 2

    June 3, 2013
  • Home
  • About Us
  • Contact Us
Follow us on Facebook Follow us on Twitter Follow us on Instagram Follow us on Youtube

About Cyclismas

A fresh take on cycling satire and commentary, Cyclismas is an alternative to traditional cycling news coverage; we challenge conventional cycling wisdom with a wide variety of voices, using a variety of media – all with integrity, but not without humor.

Recent Comments

  • Electric Bikes at the Giro???? | A Scotsman in Suburbia on Fake cyclists
  • Cuantificación del entrenamiento mediante CERVEZAS - Análisis de productos. ZitaSport on A different approach to comparing climbing performances
  • Omloop der Geruchten » Extrasport // Eigenzinnig sportnieuws on So just who is Dr. Jose Ibarguren Taus?

Latest News

  • open mike fillmore banner copy

    OpenMic with Mike Creed – Frank Pipp

    February 10, 2015
  • open mike fillmore banner copy

    Open Mic with Mike Creed – Chris Carmichael

    October 22, 2014
  • open mike fillmore banner copy

    Open Mic with Mike Creed – Not Kiel Reijnen and Alex Howes

    October 15, 2014

Search

© 2013 Cyclismas Cyclismas LLC