The centenarian who has ridden the fastest kilometre and now recently finished 100 km in 4 hours 17 minutes and 27 seconds has just signed a WorldTour contract with Marc Madiot’s FDJ-Big Mat team for 2013.
Marchand finished 100 km around the track (photo courtesy AP Photo/Laurent Cipriani)
“I’m fed up with our team. We sign a major new sponsor and we barely had any exposure. The highlight was winning a stage at the Tour with me yelling at the top of my lungs for three hours at whatever his name was. Our sponsors, especially Big Mat, were massively disappointed. I had no choice but to sign the highest profile Frenchman in cycling, and that’s Robert Marchand,” declared Madiot at a press conference.
“This man lives alone. Drives a car. Cleans his own flat. He’s more capable than most riders in the WorldTour these days,” added Madiot.
Marchand was pleasantly surprised by the signing.
“Considering the shift in cycling these past few years, I think I might be able to compete with these whippersnappers,” commented Marchand, “I’m also looking forward to the quality female fans and the great red wine.”
Madiot was tight-lipped when it came to where Marchand would start his season.
“It depends on if this signing will appeal to the UCI enough. Will we still be in the WorldTour next year? I don’t know. They’re all about exposure, PR, and the like. Hopefully this signing will give them the positive press they’re looking for after their stupidity over the Kimmage debacle,” conclude Madiot.
His new teammates were a little surprised by the signing.
“I’m looking forward to him giving me advice on women, considering Casar has been horrible in this department,” stated Cedric Pineau, responsible for the lone bright spot for the team this year at the Tour de France.
“He certainly has a nose for wine, and maybe his training methods will help lengthen my career. I’ll be interested to hear about his preparations,” stated Pierrick “le nez de Marmande” Fedrigo.
Pundits around the world blasted the move as nothing more than a public relations initiative for the sagging fortunes of the Madiot-led club. But one pundit, Matt Rendell, was a little more positive.
“I could see Marchand doing well in longer parcours, like Paris-Roubaix. I hope to see him podium,” commented Rendall. After pondering his singular comment for 5 hours, and then Rendall realizing Marchand was almost 101 years old, he then revised his statement to, “I could see Marchand doing well in the team time trials.”
Marchand will be taking a longish holiday in Tenerife prior to the team camp in January. No word if Madiot will be forcing him away from toe clips for competition.
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