The AG2R team, in conjunction with the AIGCP, announced the “Roche and Gadret-Peraud Peace Summit” to be held on neutral ground in Geneva, Switzerland, commencing Sunday, October 23rd, 2011 at an undisclosed location.
AG2R participate in court-ordered team-building exercises (Getty images)
The announcement comes just days after AG2R team manager Vincent Lavenu declared to infamous Eurosport commentator Brian Smith that the 2012 Tour de France route was “well-suited” to Peraud, as reported by cyclingnews.com. Teammate Christophe Riblon also declared his allegiance to the Gadret-Peraud bloc with his fawning summary of Peraud:
It’s all in the eyes. He has this magnetic gaze that instantaneously makes you melt, yet gives you power to conquer the highest peaks of Europe. I’d follow him to the ends of the earth, or the nearest nightclub, whichever came first,” gushed Riblon.
Nico Roche spent the ensuing 24 hours following Lavenu’s media session by chopping wood at his father’s summer retreat in the Pyrenees. This undertaking was part of his therapist-decreed anger-suppression exercises, implemented as reparation for his infamous outbursts alleging Gadret’s impersonation of Benedict Arnold at the 2010 Tour de France.
Roche famously decreed that if Gadret had been found dead in a hotel room, he would have been the primary suspect and followed that up with his other scathing comment about putting Gadret’s head through a bus window. Roche has been a shadow of his former self post-2010, and has been looking for ways to regain his confidence. However, the words and actions of Lavenu in 2011 cemented the requirement for the off-season Peace Summit.
When reached for comment, Peraud was his typically diplomatic self, reflecting the attitude of a true champion.
Roche is a very strong young man with all the phyical attributes required of a solid professional bicycle racer. He is meticulous in his preparation for races, to the point of obsessive compulsiveness. However, the question still remains, does he have the mental ability to rise above the petty skirmishes that he has initiated with Gadret?”
Gadret was more than open with his assessment of the reasons for the peace conference.
Roche called me a wingnut. Who’s the wingnut now, Roche? I was at the Giro d’Italia presentation flirting with the ladies backstage and getting phone numbers. Where was he? Chopping wood in the Pyrenees, I presume.”
Roche declined our phone calls for this report. However, upon the appearance of a Cyclismas.com reporter to his summer retreat, Roche did his best impersonation of a young Sean Penn by destroying all the reporter’s technical equipment, including his new iPhone 4s. Roche’s agent, Andrew McQuaid, son of UCI Emperor-for-Life Pat McQuaid, also refused any comments to the press other than two words which aren’t permissible to publish.
Lavenu will be conducting the peace summit under the watchful eye of AIGCP head, Jonathan Vaughters. Cyclismas.com will have the exclusive results of the meetings upon their conclusion October 29th, 2011.
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