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shakespeare on bike
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William Shakespeare’s Tour of Britain – Act 1

By Rebecca Love · On September 16, 2013

Act 1

The Scottish Stage.

 

Scene 1

A heath.  Rain.

 

WIGGO. Is this a DOGMA I see before me,

The bars towards my hands?  Come, let me ride thee.

 

Enter the three WITCHES, awaiting the intermediate sprint.

 

FIRST WITCH. When shall we three meet again? In thunder, lightning or in rain?

 

SECOND WITCH. When the hurlyburly’s done. When the battle’s lost and won.

 

THIRD WITCH. That will be ‘ere the set of sun.

But first rain.  Lots more rain.

 

SECOND WITCH. By the pricking of my thumbs, something Wiggo this way comes.

 

FIRST WITCH. A bonus second advantage does our brave Wiggo seek,

And in doing so reveals his hand

That he might in truth pursue an overall victory.

Exeunt.

 

Scene 2

Another heath.  More rain.

 

Enter LABORIE and DELAPLACE, with a JOURNALIST

 

LABORIE. So foul and fair a day I have not seen!

 

JOURNALIST. Were you the Sojasun who escaped this day?

 

LABORIE. ‘Tis true, that I did make the early break,

And with four others, took up the attack,

But foiled by a headwind were we all,

And on the Dunscore climb, we were brought back.

And so not I! This is the Sojasun,

Who, good and hardy soldier, solo fought

‘Gainst them all, some 30 kilometres to the good.

But sadly, on the final lap was caught.

Come now, brave friend, reveal thou the way

The Tour of Britain ended up this day.

 

DELAPLACE. My escape was never more than doomed to fail,

As sprinters marshalled efforts from their teams.

And soon enough the bunch had reeled me in,

Determined to set up the sprint – and yet

Did Dowsett demonstrate a turn of strength!

 

JOURNALIST. O valiant cousin! Worthy gentleman!

 

DELAPLACE. Almost before he broke away he found

Himself brought in by riders dressed in black

The pace kept high, lest others should attack.

And to the front the fast men found their way,

Spotted danger, and positioned well; to whit

They boxed in the mighty Thane of Cavendish!

Brave Ciolek, then took up the sprint alone,

Too early did he charge, and past his wheel

Soon flew the fleeting shape of Viviani

Hands aloft in elation of his win!

And so, in the shadow of Drumlanrig,

The wind and rain of Scotland did hail

A victory for green of Cannondale!

Exeunt

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Rebecca Love

Rebecca Love is the proud owner of one husband, two children, a particularly stupid cat and far too many pairs of jeans. She once watched ITV for 26 hours straight to win a bet. Her favourite word is 'crepuscular', and she is surprisingly good at maths. She has only ever stuck 9 bidons up her top for fun. Not to be confused with the "other" Rebecca Love. Follow @bex_love on Twitter

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