Last December saw my awards of Mass Distinction, but this year I’ve decided to be different as 2012 was a very special year indeed. A few categories have been deleted, and a few new categories have taken their place. Onward we go!

Best Revisionist History Attempt

• Rick Crawford for his “I only doped certain people and forgot about the others.”
• John Wilcockson, “We all screwed up during the Lance era so, bygones?”
• Michael Barry, “It was just so HARD. I HAD to dope. It wasn’t my fault. Forget what I said in 2010.”

And the winner is… Rick Crawford. Crawford’s partial admission, his comments surrounding the partial admission, and his excuses for his partial admission were weak attempts to hang onto his position coaching college athletes in Colorado. You were a coach. You were a mentor. Yes, you should have come forward back in 2001. You could have helped prevent an entire decade of corruption, doping, and fraud. And in the end you still got fired.

“I only doped two riders, I swear. Wait, what?” (yet another reason why we love @nyvelocity, see below for more)

Best Dramatic Performance

• Pat McQuaid for the October 22nd press conference announcing Lance Armstrong didn’t exist
• Brad Wiggins for his drinky-drinky smoke-filled holiday in Mallorca
• Team Katusha for World Tour licence denial

And the winner is… Team Katusha! Like there was any doubt.

Biggest Whiner in a Grand Tour

• Brad Wiggins for the Tour de France

And the winner is… Brad Wiggins! I mean, really, the rest of the whiners paled in comparison to Wiggo. I’m sending you a giant inflatable violin to play. I’m sure you can pick out a tune.

Most Likely to Hit the Tarmac

• Andy Schleck
• Mark Cavendish
• Pippo Pozzato

And the winner is … Andy Schleck! Tough year for crashes for all three of these gents, but Andy, who deployed the SchleckChute™ pretty much all year, had the worst luck. Best wishes for 2013!

Best Podium Performance by a Person, Duo, Trio, or Group

• Simon Clarke, “Call Me Maybe” at the Vuelta
• Ryder Hesjedal “Hockey Stick Flag” at the Giro
• Andreas Kloden, “Team Award Presentation” Tour de France

And the winner is … Simon Clarke! We adored the team’s “Call Me Maybe” viral video from the Vuelta, and his ballsy work on the podium was one of the highlights of the year for me!

Best Exit from a Race

• Johan Bruyneel “Tour de France”
• Frank Schleck “Tour de France”
• Lance Armstrong “Tour de France”

And the winner is … Johan Bruyneel! Yes, we enjoyed the fact the Tour folks basically told Flavio Becca his managerial secret weapon was “not desirable” for the Tour’s image. I loved how Johan attempted to spin it by saying it was his decision and what was best for the team. Right. He always has the team’s best interests at heart. Right.

Best Tow

• Mark Cavendish “Tour de France”
• Team GB “Men’s Olympic Road Race”
• Chris Froome “Tour de France”

And the winner is … Chris Froome! Yes Froomey towed Brad Wiggins all over France in July, for three weeks. Well, save one day where he got the flat and lost a minute twenty five and where the team left him to his own devices. But besides that one day, Froome did a brilliant job of ensuring Wiggo ended in yellow. I hope his midsection has recovered from the rope burns.

Best Example of Debauchery Following a Victory

• Brad Wiggins “Champs-Élysées After Party”
• Brad Wiggins “Post Olympic TT Victory Party”
• Brad Wiggins “Post SPOTY Award Win Party”

This was a tough one, but we have to go with… the SPOTY performance. Only because Wiggo looked the most retro disheveled after that particular drinking fest.

I’ll have a Wig Mac! Bradley Wiggins was getting a late-night snack in McDonald’s at 5am after winning SPOTY

Best Fashion Performance

• Jonathan Vaughters for “Britney Spears in drag”
• Lance Armstrong for “Triathlon Speedo”
• Brad Wiggins for “Tour de France Route Presentation”

And the winner is… Jonathan Vaughters! It’s all about the fishnets.

Best Twitter Zingerers

• @dwuori
• @saddleblaze
• @neilroad

And the winner is … @dwuori! Consistently the best producer of Twitter one-liners, and always with a humorous edge. ‘Twas a close vote!

Cycling Anti-Establishment Award

• @paulkimmage
• @neilroad
• @nyvelocity

And the winner is … @paulkimmage! Paul took no shite from anyone, filed a criminal complaint against the UCI, Verbruggen, and McQuaid, and expertly employed the phrase “Fuck off you fucking toe rag.”  He has stood for what’s right no matter the circumstances.

Tool of the Year

• Lance Armstrong
• Johan Bruyneel
• Hein Verbruggen

And the winner is … Johan Bruyneel! At least Lance backed away from douchebaggery after losing sponsors and pretty much almost every revenue stream, and Verbruggen has gone underground. Johan? He just doesn’t get it. Completely delusional. He belongs in “Tool of the Year” Hall of Fame!

Best Quote

• Hein Verbruggen “My reaction was strictly limited to the fact that Lance Armstrong was never found positive by the anti-doping laboratories, that there was no positive test and that there was nothing to be covered up.”
• Johan Bruyneel “A bunch of douches r gonna meet in London 2 change cycling. But why is @vaughters not on the list? He should be leading that group…” via Twitter.
• Miguel Indurain ” “Even now I believe in his innocence. He has always respected all the regulations… He has won all the cases he’s had.”

And the winner is … Miguel Indurain! Yes, we’ve come to expect ridiculous and contradictory quotes from Bruyneel and Verbruggen; however, Indurain was just a step above insanity with his appraisal of the Armstrong situation.

Best meeting for undisclosed purposes

• Phil Maertens, Cathy Mehl, and Johan Bruyneel at the Amgen Tour of California. The three were photographed hours after Johan was served “mysterious paperwork” by some government agency. After the serving, he disappeared to Europe, missing several important meetings.  I’m sure there was relief from Mehl and Maertens upon his departure.
• Pat McQuaid and Lance Armstrong via phone October 18th. Yes, our president actually took a phone call on his cellular phone from Lance Armstrong the Friday before the USADA decision. Oh to be a fly on that wall.
• Travis Tygart with (insert your name here).

And the winner is … Travis Tygart! His meetings single-handledly re-sculpted cycling. Whether or not the pile of steaming dog shite that is pro cycling right now will be sculpted into an Eiffel Tower or Guantanamo prison remains to be seen.

Best Alternative Live Cycling Feed Sites, Free to the Public!

• Cyclingfans.com
• Steephill.tv
• sportlemon.tv

It’s a three-way tie. Thanks to all three for providing decreased cubicle productivity across the globe! Slainte!

Best Mainstream Pundit

• David Harmon
• Rupert Guinness
• Andrea Berton

And the winner is … Rupert Guinness! Guinness was man enough to admit he made mistakes during the Armstrong era, and has continued to cover the sport with renewed vigour, bringing to the public key interviews with the key players in an Australian cycling, including new Oceania president Tracey Gaudry.

Horrorawful Mainstream Pundit

• Anthony Tan
• William Fotheringham
• Phil Liggett

And the winner is … Phil Liggett for the second year in a row. Liggett had tougher competition this year, especially with Fotheringham’s blatant Team Sky fanboy status and Anthony Tan’s bizarre escapades in punditry. But the winner, Phil Liggett, managed to distinguish himself as the Lance Armstrong sock puppet he truly is, especially with his latest attempts to excuse the disgraced former age group swimmer’s actions.

Dedication to Cycling Award

• David Walsh
• Mike Ashenden
• Betsy Andreu

And the winner is … Betsy Andreu! The woman was unswerving in her campaign to expose the truth about what has been occurring in cycling, a decade-plus-long process that finally finished in 2012. In typical Betsy fashion, she gave interviews, told her side of the story, and then went back to making lunch for her boys and daughter. No book deal. No TV series. Andreu did this for cycling (and some loving abuse from certain friends) and not for her own financial gain.

Charles Talleyrand Diplomacy Award

• Jonathan Vaughters
• George Hincapie
• Klaus Mueller

And the winner is … Jonathan Vaughters. Vaughters embodies all the ideals exuded by Talleyrand. He is an influential member of every cycling organisation that has a shot of wrestling some power away from the UCI. He’s got both sides of the fence covered with both the AIGCP and the breakaway cycling league people led by the Gifted Group. For good measure, he’s also part of the MPCC, and makes policy with the PCC under the auspices of the UCI. Hedge betting and shifting allegiances? Vaughters is the king. He has a career as a diplomat in his future. He would be one of the best in the world.

Best Cycling Clothing Company

• Rapha
• Vulpine
• Velobici

And the winner is … Vulpine! Not only does the company produce quality clothing products at affordable prices, but their dedication to the grassroots of cycling is impeccable. Vulpine’s founder Nick Hussey is assisting in a fan-backed women’s cycling initiative, as well as being extremely active in engaging the public on Twitter and his blog. The company has also pioneered a cycling fête, bringing a wide variety of cycling-related ventures together under one roof to showcase their wares, and they may turn the event into a travelling show. With a dog performing tricks for good measure.

Twitter Armchair Pundit Award

• @fmk_RoI
• @digger_forum
• @captaintbag1

And the winner is … @fmk_RoI. The opinionated Mr. M has been a consistent agitator on Twitter, challenging anyone of any stripe (including yours truly), any loyalty, or any level of the sport on a variety of subjects from the breakaway league to anti-doping efforts to pro-team finances. Fmk has had some memorable interactions on Twitter, most notably with Jonathan Vaughters, is a regular contributor of peerless book reviews to podiumcafe.com, and also graces our pages at cyclismas.com with unparalleled historical narratives and interviews.

Mr. World Tour Award

• Purito Rodriguez
• Adam Hansen
• Philippe Gilbert

And the winner is… Adam Hansen! Hansen finished ALL THREE grand tours this year, one of only 31 cyclists who have ever completed this feat. Hansen also makes himself very accessible to the fans and to journalist alike. A frequent tweeter, funnyman Hansen has earned the well-deserved title of top comedic talent in the peloton. We hope next year that Adam can break his Grand Tour stage victory goose egg, for as Greg Henderson noted on a broadcast of CCNN-TV earlier this year, that perennial bridesmaid Hansen failed to win any of the 63 stages he completed in 2012.

Ms. World Tour Award

• Marianne Vos
• Evelyn Stevens
• Liz Armitstead

And winner is … Marianne Vos. Like there was any doubt.

Best Mainstream News Website 

• Velonews
• Velonation
• Cyclingnews

And the winner is … Velonation! Uncompromising stories, dedicated coverage from a smaller team than either of its fellow finalists, but consistently punching above its weight, led by the never-sleeping, ever-tireless, Shane Stokes.

Best Alternative Cycling Site (other than Cyclismas)

• inrng.com
• tourchats.com
• nyvelocity.com

And the winner is … nyvelocity.com! Yeah, we may be a bit biased, but these gentlemen have been most key in exposing important information to the general cycling public, as well as crafting the legendary Toto comic strip.

Favourite UCI Overlord minion for 2012

• @asteinkamp
• @Bridie_OD
• @marijnfietst
• @kittyfondue

It’s tough picking my favourite person to interact with on Twitter (besides @cycletard, of course) BUT I did have to make a selection. Based upon a careful cross-comparison of retweets, interactions, favourites, and general great times on Twitter, the winner is…. @marijnfietst! Brilliant writer. Brilliant professional cyclist. An absolute gem on Twitter and in real life. The deserving champion of the social media jersey competition (she was robbed, methinks). Marijn de Vries is a great voice for cycling. Period.

Best commentating moment

• Andrea Berton for the Giro d’Italia Stage 15, Rabottini victory
• David Harmon, London Olympics Chris Hoy Keirin Final
• David Bond, UCI Lance Armstrong Geneva Press Conference

This was a close call. And the winner … Andrea Berton. His call of the Rabottini victory goes down as one of the most passionate displays of coverage cycling has seen in the past decade.

Best Doping Confessor

• Levi Leipheimer
• Tom Danielson
• George Hincapie

And the winner is … Levi Leipheimer. Levi has taken his punishment, endured a firing, and has gone about his business. Danielson could learn a thing or a hundred from Leipheimer.

Worst Doping Confessor

• Michele Ferrari
• Lance Armstrong
• Johan Bruyneel

And the winner is … Michele Ferrari. This competition was neck and neck until Ferrari came out with his incredible Al Jazeera interview. Just wow.

Best Future Publishing Pundit

• Daniel Friebe
• Daniel Benson
• Jane Aubrey

Since they are the cycling media juggernaut, it’s only fair they get their own category. I mean, Future gets something like a million hits a day on their collective properties. After a tough decision, the award goes to … Daniel Friebe! Not only because Friebe was “rumoured” to be behind some influential pseudonymous Twitter handles which may have disappeared over the course of 2012, more importantly, he wins the hair competition.

Cyclismas Best Grand Tour Award

• Tour de France
• Vuelta
• Giro d’ Italia

And the winner is … Giro d’Italia! Great television coverage, great Internet video coverage, the best post-race variety show, outstanding social media interactions led by Giro boss Michele Acquarone, and an amazing three-week spectacle that came down to the final stage in Milan. It produced the most panachey moment of 2012, according to Rapha’s Simon Mottram.

Thank you to all for an outstanding 2012. We’ll see you in 2013. Best wishes for a very Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

From 1999 to just a mere month ago, Armstrong (and his minions) threatened, bullied, sued, intimidated, and bought off the media, his sponsors, his teammates, and allegedly members of national federations and the UCI to ensure their silence. Armstrong was the toast of Hollywood. He was the darling of the political set. It was a fairy tale story.

Last night during an appearance on Bicycle Radio about the Armstrong experience, one of the co-hosts asked my thoughts on why no one outside of a small group of journalists was willing to chase the story. I launched into my usual thoughts about intimidation and deep pockets, but I neglected to touch on one big aspect of the Armstrong narrative.

Greed.

Trek, SRAM, Honey Stinger, Nike, USA Cycling, and the rest saw an opportunity to profit from the Armstrong story.  These are the same entities that are beginning to make their exodus away from the fallen superstar, as it isn’t in their financial interests to continue. That’s just good business right? I mean, now that he’s been exposed as a fraud, they should be heading to the exits. But shouldn’t they also come under scrutiny for being willing participants in the fraud? As the months go by, I’m sure we’ll have more stories about employees from all those organisations being intimately involved in hiding what occurred, as David Walsh himself pointed out on Twitter earlier on Wednesday.

There is an inherent danger in the way that professional cycling is structured.  The heavy reliance on team sponsorship dollars has created this pot of unfortunate soup. Sponsors can hold teams hostage based upon performance, which can trigger the use of shortcuts. Or, powerful teams can turn the tables on sponsors in a similar fashion, as Armstrong did with some of his smaller sponsors, including forcing an Oakley employee to lie under oath, a fact that has been exposed in this whole sordid affair.

Race organisers are complicit in this, as they all – aside from RCS – have refused to engage in a dialogue to create a mutually-beneficial solution for the teams, the riders, and the organisers. Sole reliance on sponsor dollars for all three is the slippery slope leading to a repeat of “Armstrong Armageddon.”

But can this possibly repeat itself? Could we have another situation where a confluence of circumstances creates another “anointed one?” Guess what? It’s already happened.

Brad Wiggins.

Team Sky, with the assistance of their sponsors and a brigade of backroom backers (including Geert Leinders), created the second coming of Armstrong. The British media have glommed onto the Wiggins story like piranhas feasting on an unsuspecting Bond villain. So have the sponsors. So have the fans. Pressure for him to win a SPOTY. Pressure for him to be knighted. Pressure to start some sort of foundation. Pressure to win more Tours, Giros, and Vueltas. He even has his own line of clothing, for heaven’s sake.

Wiggins seen with a plaster on his arm after the individual time trial on July 21st, during a video interview with Ned Boulting for ITV.

What’s interesting is that he’s only won one Tour. That’s it. We didn’t see this sort of Messianic treatment of Cadel Evans in Australia. Sure the Aussie was popular, but was he exalted? Did Evans refer to people as c*nts? Did Evans blacklist media outlet after media outlet? No. And guess what? It’s not Wiggins’ fault. Not entirely. He’s fallen under the spell of Murdoch. Of Brailsford. Of Adidas. Of Fred Perry. Of the British entertainment industry.

In fact, as an experiment I posted a dubious photo of Brad Wiggins, screengrabbed during an interview with Ned Boulting on July 21st, 2012. The interview took place after the punishing individual time trial, which Wiggins won by a country mile. We had an expert examine the photo, who stated it’s the median cubital vein that’s been tapped based on the position of the plaster.

Why is the plaster there?

The UCI passed a no needles policy in May of 2011 which stated the following (quote courtesy of cyclingnews.com article by Stephen Farrand):

The UCI Regulations now prohibit injections that have the aim of artificially improving performance or helping recovery. It means riders can no longer inject vitamins, sugars, enzymes, amino acids or antioxidants to aid recovery. It is hoped the ban will contribute to the eradication of doping by greatly reducing the use of injections in cycling.

Herein lies the problem. No one asked why Wiggins had a plaster, and the interesting fact is that Boulting, who conducted the interview, didn’t find the plaster on Wiggins arm as strange. According to sources within the Tour de France, there wasn’t any blood drawn for anti-doping purposes on that day. So why did Wiggins have a plaster on his arm? It couldn’t have been for medicinal purposes, as a Team Sky doctor supported and asserted the no needles policy as “fantastic” during an interview with Lionel Birnie that appeared in the August 2011 edition of Cyclesport Magazine.

Does this mean Team Sky are doping? Certainly not. But it certainly raises the question, why was something injected or drawn out of Wiggins? Based upon the many responses I received on Twitter accusing me of hating Team Sky, having an agenda, and accusing them of doping, all the while vociferously defending Wiggins and Team Sky, I’ve concluded that the general public still has a long way to go. We’ve gone from a culture of “Trust, but verify” to “Ignore until it becomes a problem for us.”

The British media and British companies have queued up around the corner to get their pound of Wiggins flesh to benefit their own public relations and marketing aims. The vast majority were only concerned with “first British winner of the Tour de France” and not the means it took to achieve said result.

Until the UCI takes a pro-active role, until the athletes themselves make a formal push, until the team owners and sponsors take responsibility to change the entire system, we are going to continue hoisting up cycling messiahs to crucify when we find them fallible and human. I hope the example of Brad Wiggins isn’t the next chapter of our sordid and sorry history.

The tough questions need to be asked of national federations and the UCI, who have helped perpetuate our current trauma with the assistance of the laundry list of corporations looking to make a profit on the backs of those who organise and compete in the sport. Stronger governance of the existing rules and constitutions of all organisations is required.

What are we prepared to do?

**************************************

Epilogue, 20 October 2012

A Team Sky official took umbrage with the piece, and chose to focus on the picture of the plaster used to illustrate the commentary. As we’ve seen by the comments below, everyone has become more concerned about the doping issue rather than philosophical questions I raised.

Apparently this piece created enough of a stir that Team Sky published via Twitter a picture of the doping control notification, which we are also including here. While it’s that great Team Sky is choosing to be transparent in this specific situation, the manner in which they have chosen to accomplish verification just demonstrates why I still struggle with how the team conducts its business. That has been reinforced by their misguided policy creation after the publication of this opinion piece of “no dopers allowed,” and “confess and you’re fired.”

Other journalists have come out attacking the piece in support of Team Sky. Again, this is reminiscent of the Armstrong times.

The fact that Team Sky has chosen to taken to attack on Twitter, rather than taking the high road, also reinforces my feelings from the piece.

Image courtesy of Fran Millar via Twitter

Ah yes. Wine. Espresso. Biscotti. Pasta Bolognese. Beautiful women.

What are my good sensations for this year’s Giro? Well, thankfully, there haven’t been any evil spectres or nasty foreshadowing of any doping positives prior to the start in Denmark. No, instead, the head gnomes from Aigle have sent out legal man Philippe Vebriest and mouthpiece Stephen Roche to ensure your thoughts on the UCI are top of mind.

I must say, however, I’m mightily disappointed with Michele Acquarone and the boys at RCS Sport for one reason, and one reason only. No Danilo di Luca.

di Luca is synonymous with the Giro. “The Killer” has made every edition in which he appeared an exciting spectacle. His unending attacks, his tireless efforts, and his dynamite hair are going to be sorely missed in this year’s extravaganza. Of course, there are always sacrifices that need to be made for the greater good. Yes, the Giro has decided to embrace a broader range of teams. Some of those selections have angered the tifosi, but hey, they are a forgiving lot. After all, they haven’t held any real grudges against Davide Rebellin nor Silvio Berlusconi.

We are all saddened by the lack of Di Luca at this year's Giro (photo courtesy of Acqua & Sapone)

So what can we expect from this year’s battle for the hallowed maglia rosa?

For starters, Johan Bruyneel will be seeing the career-dissipation light blinking fast and furious out of the corner of his eye. I have to admit, he’s tossed his version of an NFL-style “Hail Mary” by recruiting Fränk Schleck into Giro duty. Not only is the elder Schleck riding, but he’s doing it without his ever-present sidekick. As @saddleblaze says in the upcoming CCNN-TV episode (due out Friday May 4th), it will remain to be seen which wheel Frankie-poo attaches himself to. Will it be Basso? Will it be Scarponi? Or will Kreuziger finally fulfill his destiny as a Grand Tour contender?

Truthfully, with all the focus on the Olympics and then, therefore, the Tour de France, we’re missing a few of the big names on the list of GC contenders. Evans. Wiggins. Wiggo’s hair. Wiggo’s dour attitude. Wiggo’s black cloud of doom.

I’m quite happy with the fact Bradley Wiggins is focusing his energy elsewhere. After his joy-sucking, smarmy, superior, and “I’m very British” performance at the Tour of Romandie, thankfully the Giro doesn’t seem to have enough rarified air for the allegedly sanctimonious twit. For all you mad flag-waving Brits, just take a gander at the video complilation by the Romandie folks, who actually complained about his attitude to various bodies of authority.

Moving along….

Back to the Giro. Could we see some epic sprint battles in the first ten days? Absolutely. Renshaw might use the next few weeks to solidify his confidence for the remainder of the year, and vanquishing his former captain in the process might do him well. That is, of course, provided that Australian Cycling will see fit to include him for the Olympics rather than snub him in favour of a blatant Orica-GreenEDGE plant.

Speaking of Orica-GreenEDGE, we’ve all had a bit of fun with the fact that a company specialising in mining explosives has chosen to sponsor a cycling team. Yes, this has turned into both a blessing and a nightmare for the team, in true pro-cycling fashion. Yes, the company has a rough environmental record, which is, as many pointed out, no different than most nasty multi-national conglomerates. But some others have chosen to put up the blinders and say we should be thankful for any sponsorship money at all coming into the sport.

Really? This sort of attitude is what allows those with heinous agendas to profit in today’s world. “Oooh, they have money, we must forgive what they do because they’re throwing a wad of cash at us.” Let’s just say teams, individuals, and businesses who hold themselves to a higher yardstick usually survive longer than those who make decisions based purely upon bottom-line results. Is the Orica sponsorship a bad thing? No. Is it a good thing? Possibly. Time will tell. Maybe their sponsorship and involvement in cycling may just make an impact at the boardroom level and help engage a culture shift. Stranger things have happened.

Back to Orica-GreenEDGE at the Giro. Speaking of High Road sprint train alumni, Matt Goss is another who will be looking to hunt for stages, and he’ll have some formidable opposition in the aforementioned Renshaw. Lotto-Belisol has had some early season success, so never count out Adam Hansen or Gianni Meersman.

However, this Giro could be the reclamation of Team BMC’s dismal season. With Marco Pinotti the declared GC man, Thor Hushovd stage hunting, and the first Giro appearance of Alessandro Ballan, this team might be able to turn some heads during a variety of stages.

Can Pinotti achieve more than just a top 10? (Photo courtesy Sirotti Photography)

What about Garmin-Barracuda? Jonathan Vaughters has continued to develop his cult of personality, peppering in the right riders to flavor his island of misfit toys. It could net him some huge wins during the Giro, or it might at least give us some entertaining bon mots from the king of PR that is JV.

Who are the riders I’ll be watching? This Giro is Ivan Basso’s to lose. His season has had a similar start to that of his Giro-winning year of 2010. Similar struggles of form, similar efforts in working for fellow riders like super-domestique Sylvester Smzyd. Speaking of Smzyd, he has the pedigree to be a rather nice complement to Basso on the podium, provided they have the form. The other one I’ll be watching is Emanuelle Sella from Gianni Savio’s outfit. Savio’s squad alway performs well, and Sella is no slouch.

However, the most important aspect of this year’s Giro may not be who wins or who loses, but if and when Vaughters and Giro boss Acquarone ink the pre-announced revenue-sharing deal with the teams of the WorldTour and Pro-Continental tour. The important question to come out of this development is, how does this impact the UCI, and does this mean RCS is lining up with the rebel faction against the out-of-touch and out-of-step governing body?