Becca attempts to build a more solid foundation for 2013 (Photo: H2O Solutions)

“I have begun negotiations for HSBC to step in to fill the void being created by the departure of our current crop of sponsors. HSBC shares a similar set of values with myself and my business dealings, not to mention a common philosophy on how we handle our rider accounts and banking clientele,” commented Becca.

HSBC has itself been mired in scandals that will cost the bank $2 billion in fines. HSBC first mis-sold loan insurance and derivatives, amid allegations that traders attempted to rig Libor, and endured a Senate investigation in the Unites States that saw HSBC laundering money for drug dealers out of Mexico.

Becca felt that an alignment with his team, temporarily called RadioShack-Nissan (Trek), would be just the tonic HSBC needed to divert attention from their scandals.

“They are a company that actually needs us. Our scandals pale in comparison to theirs. Just because one of our doctors is under investigation, our team manager/team management consultant is on the verge of a lifetime ban, and a partner in our marketing firm CSE is about to have seven Tour titles stripped, thos are just small potatoes. Throw in dodgy team decisions, non-payment of riders, lawsuits, and threats of benching riders who are signing with other teams – all really no big deal in comparison to HSBC’s problems,” concluded Becca.

HSBC representatives did confirm they spoke with Becca, but would only state the conversations were related to helping Becca fix his taxation troubles at home in Luxembourg, as well as to mention in passing that Becca had left a sponsorship package for them to look over.

“No matter how big the fines and how bad our reputation is, I doubt we’d want to align ourselves with a team that employs a manager facing a lifetime ban from cycling. Becca did tell us that he was willing to look for a new manager in order to secure our involvement, so we’re examining the opportunity for its potential,” commented an HSBC representative who wished to remain anonymous.

When asked about replacing Bruyneel, Becca indicated he has been looking at other candidates.

“I’ve had discussions with former Rock Racing owner Michael Ball. He seems to have a good head for business, and also past experience with champions in the sport. He also still races himself in America, or so I’m told; he might be the best choice for 2013,” stated Becca.

Becca refused to speculate on the status of Andy and Frank Schleck for 2013, but did state his desire to steal Chris Froome away from Team Sky, and also showed his displeasure with Bruyneel in defying his orders to allow Jakob Fuglsang to ride at the Colorado race with the ridiculously long name.

There was no timetable on a decison from HSBC on the potential sponsorship deal, but Becca has approximately two months to solidify the deal prior to WorldTour status review with the UCI.

Another  brainchild of @Eric112200

The pack with Manuel Quinziato of Italy, left, and Andy Schleck of Luxembourg. The SchleckChute™ failed to deploy moments after this climb. (AP Photo/Peter Dejong)

“I’m not sure what happened. I saw Cadel Evans pull his chute and exit the race, and so I thought it was a good time to do the same. But for some reason, my rip cord wouldn’t activate. It’s terrible. I was forced to finish a race,” commented a visibly agitated Schleck.

Team management consultant and 9-time Tour de France winner Johan Bruyneel was ranting and raving to anyone within earshot about the failure of chute deployment.

“Unbelievable. We partnered with Trek for the SchleckChute™ based on their track record with their bicycle products. They promised us no issues. After several races where the product worked, it fails when we needed it the most. We need at least eight DNFs for Andy in order for him to properly prepare for his Tour de France victory in July,” declared Bruyneel.

When contacted for comment, Trek marketing representative Gary Fisher was fairly blunt in his assessment of the situation. Fisher noted Trek’s commitment to product advancement, quality control, and a stellar reputation dating back decades. While he refused to speculate, Fisher did note Schleck’s history of issues with mechanical failures.

“Look, we all know Andy is mechanically challenged. He cross-shifted in one of the most important moments of his career and watched Contador ride off with his Tour victory. Even though he did get that one back, still, his reputation for equipment mishandling is legendary,” commented Fisher.

Upon further digging, it was discovered, in fact, that “operator error” was the more likely reason for the SchleckChute™ deployment failure, resulting in Schleck’s 91st place finish on Sunday.  Representatives from Team Argos-Shimano confirmed overhearing a conversation between Team RadioShack-Nissan mechanics and team director Kim Andersen where Andersen told said mechanics to “blame the equipment again.”

Team RadioShack-Nissan representatives refused to comment on the rumor, but have confirmed that Trek ensured the SchleckChute™ will not have any more failures for Schleck at future races leading up to his Tour de France bid in July.

Bruyneel gives thumbs up to the fine from the UCI

Johan Bruyneel, whose company is acting as the management structure for the license holder, Leopard SA, was candid about the development with veteran Pez scribe Alastair Hamilton. Hamilton noted that Bruyneel had explained to him in a lengthy interview (appearing this coming weekend on the Pez Cycling site) that the team name included the Trek moniker and the UCI could take a long walk off a short pier.

A composed Enrico Carpani, spokesperson for the UCI, conveyed via phone yesterday that the offense represents a “third strike” against Bruyneel, and would garner a substantial penalty to the WorldTour team. During the conversation, a sweary Irishman breaking glass could be heard in the background.

Today, it was revealed via fax that the fine would be 4 million euros, suspension from participation in the Grand Tours, and a complete media blackout of Johan Bruyneel.

UCI president Pat McQuaid was candid about the penalty.

“Look, I’ve had enough of his antics and petty attempts to assassinate the reputation, character, and professionalism that the sport of cycling exudes to the public. After receiving Bruyneel’s agreement to do things our way, he goes and adds a fooking extra name on his press releases.  If he wants to go cowboy he can do it in races where I don’t care. Like the one-day classics and unimportant races like Paris-Nice,” declared an angry McQuaid.

Jim Ochowicz, team manager for BMC, was resolute in his reaction.

“Frankly, I’d appreciate Johan following the lead of his former disciple, Lance Armstrong, by making life difficult for those in the triathlon realm. I’m sure Andrew Messick would love to have him at Kona [Ironman Hawaii – Ed.], and we wouldn’t have to worry about his team hitting the deck and taking out one of our stars,” commented Ochowicz.

Professional cycling expert Lionel J. Birnie offered his opinion in the form of two questions, “Did RadioShack actually finish any races last year? Do we really care about what he (Johan Bruyneel) has to say? I mean, it seemed like he had a self-imposed media blackout policy already.”

Bryneel and Leopard SA have not responded to the press, nor responded to the UCI’s penalty levy.