But this was the Tour of Langwaki and Chinese unknown Wang Meiyin had just discovered that he was better than all the rest during the undulating stage three to Cameron Highlands.

Already wearing the white jersey of best Asian rider, 25-year-old Wang crossed the line with a pump of the fist (he looks so inexperienced that a double-handed salute could well have back-fired) to take a first stage win for any Chinese rider in Malaysia.

The winning Wang wave (photo courtesy pelotoncafe.com)

White Wang not only moved into the leader’s yellow jersey, he assumed possession of a whole new wardrobe: the blue sprinter’s jersey for the points classification and the red climber’s jersey for king of the mountains.

And every time he was called up onto the podium to pick up his next piece of fancy dress, there was good old Tina on hand to remind Wang that he was simply the best, that she was stuck on his heart, that she hung on to every word that he said, that in his eyes she gets lost, washed away, and that just as long as she’s there in his increasingly-colourful arms, she could be in no better place.

So unexpected was Wang’s win and so unheralded is the pint-sized package from the Hengxiang Cycling Team, that Wikipedia still informs its readers that: “Meiyin Wang is an American theatre director, playwright and producer. She is currently the Associate Artistic Producer of The Public Theater’s Under the Radar Festival and Symposium in New York.”

Meanwhile, a reviewer on the website nytheatre.com informs us that “besides making a mean pork dumpling,” Meiyin Wang “is one of the best artists I know.”

Well, his culinary skills aside, the real Wang certainly did go under the radar as one of five Asian Continental breakaway artists in stage three of the Tour of Langkawi on Saturday.

With 40km remaining, Wang channelled his inner Chiappucci with a big dig on the final climb of the day, riding alone for 40km and up a vertical rise of 1,500m before taking the biggest win of his career. None of the WorldTour teams in the chasing peloton – which at one point trailed the leaders by 12 minutes – expected any of the unknown quintet would have had the gumption or power to have soloed to something so audacious.

Wang’s wardrobe (photo courtesy Le Tour de Langkawi)

Even Wang himself admitted after the stage that he was only getting into the break in a bid to show-off Chinese cycling. Five hours later, he became the first man in the Tour of Langkawi’s 18-year history to hold the lead in all four of the classifications. If there was an orange jersey for, say, best smile, he’d certainly have won that too.

Wang held onto the lead through Sunday’s fourth stage, won by Francesco ‘Good in February’ Chicchi (Vini Fantini), but his chances of becoming the first Asian rider to claim the Langkawi title took a pummelling on Monday when little-known Colombian Julien Arredondo (Team Nippo-De Rosa) soloed to victory at the top of the Genting Highlands to take the yellow jersey and an overall lead of 1:22 going into the halfway stage of the sweltering 10-day race.

Twenty-four-year-old Arredondo is about as small a fish as Wang: he rides for a Japanese team whose star rider is a 38-year-old Italian who once finished second in the Giro d’Italia mountain classification.

While these cycling minnows were stealing the limelight in a hot and humid race for which the sponsor’s tagline is ‘The Heat Is On,’ the riders of the European circuit were having to deal with the other end of the meteorological spectrum.

Team Blanco in a blanket of snow in Kuurne (image courtesy Team Blanco)

There was more snow in Europe than a Saturday night out with Tom Boonen, with Kuurne-Brussels-Kuurne and the GP Lugano both cancelled because of the white stuff.

A day earlier, a peloton of chilly riders sporting gloves, gilets, and leg-warmers battled the odds in the cobbled classic of Omloop Het Nieuwsblad, with an unexpected win going to Luca Paolini, the veteran journeyman Italian with considerably more stamps on his passport than Oscar Pistorius wishes he’ll have by the end of the month.

Paolini pretty much hitched a lift from the two-metre man, Stijn Vandenbergh (Omega Pharma-QuickStep), to take Katusha’s first win since the Russian Global Cycling Project’s readmission into the WorldTour following the CAS acceptance of their appeal.

The weather was so cold that Jurgen Roelandts eyelids reportedly froze together – damage that will require a few days of recovery for the Lotto Belisol man. Andy Schleck was rumoured to have suffered an acute case of frostbite to his big toe, severely jeopardising his next attempt at a DNF.

Sunday’s cancellation of KBK means fans will have to wait until Tirreno-Adriatico for the first head-to-head between this season’s early stand-out sprinters, Mark ‘The Oman Camel’ Cavendish and Andre ‘The Electric Gorilla’ Greipel.

Elsewhere, Mark Renshaw won only his second race since transitioning from being Cavendish’s lead-out man with victory in the Clasica de Almeria for Blanco.

It was a happy day for the 30 year old – but had you told Renshaw his winning record over the first year and a bit after joining Rabobank would be matched by the combined scalps of Messrs Wang and Arredondo over one weekend in Langkawi, the Australian would probably have looked at you in a rather bemused manner.

Follow along with the crew on Twitter: @RippFinklemann, @theJonnyGunn, @CyclismasMercer, @saddleblaze. Follow show updates on Twitter @CCNN_TV.

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Follow along with the crew on Twitter: @RippFinklemann, @theJonnyGunn, @CyclismasMercer, @saddleblaze. Follow show updates on Twitter @CCNN_TV.

Or take the show on the road with our iTunes downloads.

Follow along with the crew on Twitter: @RippFinklemann, @theJonnyGunn, @CyclismasMercer, @saddleblaze. Follow show updates on Twitter @CCNN_TV.

Or take the show on the road with our iTunes downloads.

Follow along with the crew on Twitter: @RippFinklemann, @theJonnyGunn, @CyclismasMercer, @saddleblaze. Follow show updates on Twitter @CCNN_TV.

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Sources close to Saddles have revealed that affable Giro general dictator Michele Acquarone is “moving heaven and earth” to ensure the presence of last year’s Tour de France winner in this year’s Giro.

It has already been widely reported that the inclusion of more than 90 time trial kilometres in the 2013 Giro route was brought about with the primary function of attracting Wiggo’s gaze. Now it emerges that this profligacy of against-the-clock machismo marked the symbolic first incidence of long-time Wiggins suitor Acquarone – known by his friends as ‘The Peacock’ – fanning his feathers.

In short, it was the first of many coquettish advances performed in a bid to wantonly woo Wiggins.

“It all started during the Tour last year. We were watching the second time trial in Giro HQ and Michele was entranced by Bradley’s pedal strokes,” said Saddles’ source (not to be confused with Saddle Sauce™ – a brand of bespoke chamois cream).

“At first there was serious consideration given into hosting the opening stage of the Giro in Wiggo’s birth town of Ghent but when that became impossible Michele was quick to suggest Naples.”

The Mediterranean seaside city was selected primarily because it is hoped that the volcanic peak of Vesuvius will remind Wiggins of his training rides in the shadow of Mount Tiede on Tenerife.

Naples is also said to be the favourite Italian city of the singer Paul Weller, with whom Wiggins often jams on his guitar. The pair are currently recording a song set for release in spring.

“When Michele heard about Wiggins and Weller, he went all weak at the knees. ‘We must get them to record the Giro’s official song – now that’s entertainment,’ he told us all in a dream-like stupor.”

Soon after the 2013 route was disclosed, Acquarone and his team announced that Wiggins’ close friend, the British designer Sir Paul Smith, would be designing the Giro’s fabled pink jersey.

The prospect of Sir Bradley Wiggins mounting a podium to put on a special maglia rosa designed by Sir Paul Smith is mouthwatering. Riding the crest of a wave, Acquarone is said to be in favour of approaching British comedians Paul Whitehouse and Mark Williams to record a one-off version of their “Suits you, Sir” sketch from The Fast Show.

“If that wasn’t enough, Michele has even put in a request with Johnny Depp’s publicist for the actor to reprise his guest role from the last ever episode of the series,” said the source. “Apparently Depp is a bigger cycling fan than both Robin Williams and Ben Stiller combined.”

While details of the 2013 Giro opening ceremony are still under wraps, it has leaked that Wiggins has been approached to ring a bell to sound the start of the three-week festival of cycling. This is but one of many movements being carried out to make sure Wiggins feels he is being accommodated, nay groomed, as the official face of the race.

Following her electric on-screen chemistry with Wiggins at the BBC Sports Personality of the Year award in London late last year, veteran reporter Susan Barker has reportedly been given a gig as one of the race’s podium girls. A video of Wiggins and Barker eating Italian spaghetti in the style of the hit Disney cartoon Lady And The Tramp is also in the offing, as is a limited edition t-shirt made out of purple velours, designed by Fred Perry and adorned with the catchphrase ‘Look, Susan’.

All male race staff – including the Carabinieri – are being encouraged to grow their sideburns in a bid to pay their respects to the man Acquarone is hoping will succeed Ryder Hesjedal as the maglia rosa in Brescia on 26th May. Meanwhile, Team Sky will be given special dispensation to fill their musettes with McDonald’s burgers to stave off any bonking in the mountains.

It doesn’t stop at making Wiggins simply feel at home. In fact, the latest raft of rumours seem to indicate that Acquarone and his team are also bent on giving Wiggins a sporting advantage during the race.

As such, Fabian Cancellara is likely to be banned from the race, while steps are being taken to ensure that Tony Martin suffers a nasty fall in the opening week, whereby eliminating Wiggins’ principal threats for the all-important time trials.

Acquarone was also the driving force behind Katusha not receiving a wild-card invite for the race. “He thought that the last thing the race needed was Joaquim Rodriguez pushing for the pink jersey,” said Saddles’ source.

Complicated measures have been taken to ensure that the route never passes nearby petrol station forecourts for fear of Wiggins colliding with rogue drivers.

It is also thought that an online “Froome Fund” has been set up by Acquarone to make sure that Wiggins’ favoured right-hand man is on hand to guide him up the Galibier. Only once this job has been done will Froome be allowed to retire from the race and concentrate on his preparations for the Tour de France.

“Michele isn’t only offering Chris money. He’s pulled the strings with some of his well-connected friends in London: Froome will be honoured with a Victoria Cross for self-sacrifice on the battlefield in the 2013 New Year’s honours list.”

Talking of honours, it is said to be Acquarone’s bizarre infatuation with not only being responsible for helping Wiggins make history, but also making history himself, that is proving his most steely motivation.

“Michele has it in his head that should Wiggo win the Giro one year after he wins the Tour, he’ll be in line for a peerage. He wants to be the man who will be remembered in the history books as being the principal contributor to Wiggins’ upgrading from a Sir to a Lord. This might sound odd, but I believe he fancies himself as a type of honorary Italian Austin Powers type figure – but with better teeth,” added the source with a whisper.

Acquarone offered no comment when approached by Saddleblaze about these allegations. He did, however, stress his disappointment that Katusha’s absence from the race would deprive fans of the chance to see Denis Menchov in action.

When quizzed about the choice of wildcards for the race, Acquarone said the decision had been a difficult one and hoped that next year a new system will jazz things up a little. Acquarone is said to be in favour of seven wild cards joining 15 ProTour teams, with a public fan vote deciding just who makes the cut.

“He already told us about his plans to produce a Saturday night reality TV game show called ‘Who Wants To Be A Giro Wildcard?’ which will be presented by Silvio Berlusconi’s new wife,” confirmed the source.

One thing’s for sure, with Michele Acquarone at the helm, things are rarely boring. Which is why, quite frankly, his efforts to make Wiggins the face of the Giro is just so very baffling…

Ripp and Jonny recap their top stories for 2012 and some of the highlights of the year – including compilations for the Top Five Moments in Suffering sponsored by The Sufferfest, Saddleblaze’s Eurorag Racing Roundup brought to you by sellmybikestuff.co.uk, and of course, the best moments from Undercover Gunn. BUT WAIT! What about bloopers? Yes! We’ve got guest bloopers, and we’ve also got bloopers from Ripp and Jonny. Enjoy the review!

Follow along with the crew on Twitter: @RippFinklemann, @theJonnyGunn, @CyclismasMercer, @saddleblaze. Follow show updates on Twitter @CCNN_TV.

Or take the show on the road with our iTunes downloads.

Follow along with the crew on Twitter: @RippFinklemann, @theJonnyGunn, @CyclismasMercer, @saddleblaze. Follow show updates on Twitter @CCNN_TV.

Or take the show on the road with our iTunes downloads.

 

Verbiest or Vaughters? That’s the question on Jonny’s new glasses as Ripp and Jonny recount the exploits of Alberto Contador, Martin Vinnicombe and David Millar’s twitter sabbatical. The anchors welcome Rachel Neylan to the show, talking about her silver medal at the World Championships, her role models, and fashion. Saddleblaze brings a whole new dimension to the concept of team camps and Aussie freckles. Joan Hanscom gives us the update on USGP cyclocross happenings, and “Undercover Gunn” delves into the world of cycling hair. Sorry Tyler Farrar, you finished fourth in the hair competition, and missed the cut for segment inclusion. And what the heck is that thing in the background throughout the episode? You’ll have to ask Lotto-Belisol’s Bill Olivier…

Follow along with the crew on Twitter: @RippFinklemann, @theJonnyGunn, @CyclismasMercer, @saddleblaze. Follow show updates on Twitter @CCNN_TV.

Or take the show on the road with our iTunes downloads.