An Orange bus, alone with God and Medicine.

Whilst all other teams parked their death- and near-death star buses in the town square, the Basque battlers were located between the church and the medical tent.

Team welfare director Xanadu Xeriously stressed that the decision was deliberate to fulfil two key roles in rider safety.  “All the team were able to pray in church to prevent crashes on the sign-in stage, and the actual bicycling activity of the day was coated in prayer.  We were also able to speed up the medical treatment of crashing orange people by having a 2-meter gap between the medical tent and the team bus”.

St Xhute, patron saint of the overshot corner, received the prayers and also passed some onto St Counter-Xteer, patron saint of the front wheel losing traction.

Xeriously went on to add, “We travel far north beyond the Arctic circle to boost the commercial awareness of a Basque telecommunications company, and therefore feel it is vital to call upon the protection of higher powers.  If they bugger up there is always the medical tent. And while you’re here perhaps you can tell me why none of the cycling writers ever want to talk to us? We had one rider finish for God’s sake, which is more that can be said for another team in some year or other.”

Boonen on the podium after his Flanders win. Reports hint that the brunette podium girl was the other occupant of the Ferrari

Initial police reports indicate that Bakala gave Boonen the keys to the vehicle after a “riotous” dinner party with several local celebrities, and Boonen proceeded to drive the vehicle at high speeds in the area of Oudenaarde before taking the Enzo onto the grounds of Park Baron Casier in Waregem. According to Boonen’s statement to authorities, he was doing “Enzo Endos” on the grounds of the public park.

The vehicle was found upside down near the castle on the grounds of Baron Casier Park, with Boonen stripped to the waist standing on top of the overturned super car, twirling his shirt over his head, singing loudly to the LMFAO song “I’m Sexy and I Know It.” According to anonymous bystanders, the female companion was clad only in “her knickers.”

The grounds of the park sustained significant damage due to the high-speed racing by Boonen in the Ferrari. One of the gates, at Market Street, sustained significant damage where Boonen crashed Bakala’s car through, and the vehicle itself was described by sources as “an utterly complete farcical write off.”

Several fountains sustained damage, and the castle itself underwent what could only be described as “tagging.”  Boonen’s camp is denying any involvement with the fountain damage, nor the graffitti on the castle, and has not issued any formal statements in relation to the escapades.

Belgian authorities are refusing to confirm if drugs or alcohol were factors in the events leading to the defacing of a local cultural icon, but eye-witness accounts commented on the size of Tom’s “Booner,” which might indicate use of certain products of a sexual enhancement nature.

Boonen himself refused to issue any statements to the media in relation to the unfortunate event, however Bakala was quick to come to the defense of Boonen.

“Hey, it’s only a car. I’ve got another 40 in various houses around the world. I’m sure the check I write to the town of Waregem will make this all go away. I look forward to Tommeke winning in Roubaix next week,” smiled a rather soused Bakala.

It is unknown at this time whether Boonen will be charged with any crimes.