Bruyneel and Och at Tirreno. Bruyneel attempts to show Och the Breakaway League "Pie in the Sky" numbers (photo courtesy C. Selden/Pez Cycling News)

The team’s independent-management-consultant Johan Bruyneel was quick to draw attention away from not only the dismal performances on the bike, but also the catastrophic loss of RadioShack corporate cycling cheerleader, Lee Applbaum. Applbaum, an armchair cycling fanatic and recently-indoctrinated TrainRight™ Chris Carmichael client, was released this past week from his position as executive vice president and chief marketing officer for the electronics retailer.

Bruyneel established the smokescreen with the clandestine release of breakaway league information via Bloomberg on Friday, two months after the first leak barely garnered a reaction out of his chief opponent, the UCI.

Breakaway league experts within the sport refused to comment directly on the article. However, noted breakaway league opponent Marc Madiot was keen to share his thoughts.

“Look, this is atrociously ridiculous. This quote unquote “league” is doomed to fail. Eight out of 40 teams are in agreement? Verbruggen is called in to broker a peace deal? British experts from Coventry commenting on money raised? This is a JV slash Bruyneel plot of jealousy because they aren’t French, Italian or Spanish. Their countries lack the panache to hold real grand tours so they want to ruin ours,” declared Madiot. He energetically continued, “Where was their support when I proposed a real union for the riders? Nowhere. They’re greedy. They just want the money. Nothing more. Nothing less.”

Noted cycling historian David Harmon was quick to lay judgement on the potential success of the breakaway league concept, “If these gentlemen want a circuit, then they should invest in Revolution UK and leave the road business to the organizers and the riders. Too many cooks are in the kitchen ruining the soup.”

When asked about the smokescreen to draw attention away from the string of failures on his part, Bruyneel was typically fired up.

“All you journalists are ridiculous. I am the master cycling tactician. How else can you explain having a 40-year old American almost win Tirreno? I plan to remake cycling with a properly-regimented business plan – simple, easy to follow, with plenty of money in my pocket – that works best for those sponsors investing. If it works for Pat (UCI president Pat McQuaid) then it should work for us,” stated Bruyneel.

When asked who was representing the rider’s voice in the negotiations, Bruyneel was dumbstruck, “Riders? Why should they have a say? They follow what I do. That is all. Just like Horner. He almost won Tirreno. Did you see his almost win? ”

It remains to be seen if this smokescreen will be able to distract the public from Team RadioShack-Nissan’s string of failures, from Jens Voigt’s apparent battle with his own DS – which cost him a stage win at Paris-Nice – to handing the leadership at Tirreno to an aging American who clearly struggled in the race of truth.

Hoy raised the roof of the velodrome after his double golds in the Keirin final and Sprint final. Will he be the next UCI president? (photo courtesy of BBC)

“Nevermind that kid from the Isle of Man, this knight of the realm is the real deal. He is the savior for worldwide cycling. I declare that Sir Chris Hoy will challenge Pat McQuaid for the UCI presidency after his victorious Olympics,” a visibly excited Cookson managed to spit out.

When pressed on the subject, Cookson was open regarding his disdain for the current management of the sport.

“Look, I sit on this ridiculous committee that might as well be 14 stones sitting around a boardroom with the biggest rock McQuaid at the head of the table. Do we get an opinion? Absolutely not. In fact Igor [Makarov, Team Katusha owner] had to buy the European Cycling Federation just to get Pat’s attention. That’s 14 votes that Pat needs to get re-elected. Is that the kind of organization we should have?” ranted Cookson as he continued, “Enough of the cronyism in Aigle. Today, London showed everyone where cycling belongs. In the hands of the fans and the athletes. It has been an amazing two days.”

Sir Hoy was initially taken aback by Cookson’s statements, but after listening to the rant, offered his take.

“I agree with Brian that the sport needs to change. Women in the sport are unhappy, and resorting to name calling. The pro road folks have to traipse across the globe 12 months of the year to race now, and mountain biking is pretty much ignored. If it weren’t for England and the Revolution UK series, track cycling would be dead in the water. Maybe I should give the git a run for his money,” concluded Hoy.

The Olympic Test Event in London was an eye opener for the UCI, however, as UCI president Pat McQuaid spent most of his three days in the Velodrome glad-handing VIPs in the bowels of the stadium, avoiding the crowds, the athletes, and members of the London Olympic Committee. He even ate the entire buffet of sushi, which led to Lionel J. Birnie taking to Twitter to complain. When asked about how he would fare against Hoy in a presidential campaign, McQuaid was candid.

“Looks like his samples may have to make a slight detour. Oopsie,” burbled McQuaid as tipped back another pint of Guinness.

Noted Sir Chris Hoy archivist Nick Hussey, CEO of Vulpine cycling clothing, offered his expert analysis on Hoy’s bid for UCI president, “He’d win by a landslide. I think the federations are finally fed up with that fat prat Pat, and Hoy has the intelligence, the looks, and the charm to turn cycling into the top sport on the planet.  The UCI is about promotion, and who better to promote the sport, give the federations their voice back, and liaise with the roadies? It’s Hoy. No question. I love the man.”

No doubt British cycling fans will be rejoicing at the coming Olympics after Sir Hoy’s dominating performances at the World Track Cup, and as one anonymous fan concluded, “I hope that Hoy follows through to save our sport from that obese corrupt despot.”