Here we go!

Kittel received legendary support from his team this week, at his first race for 2012 Etoile De Besseges (photo by Isabelle Duchesne courtesy of CyclingNews)

Best of the Week

Number Five

No Croatian licence for Riccardo Ricco 

This is just plain sad. Look, Ricco, your 15 minutes of cycling fame are up.  If Alessandro Petacchi can’t get an Asian licence, then you’re up shite creek without a paddle, a boat, and a life preserver. I might even suggest some therapy, or an extended holiday on an island without bicycles or any technological connection with humanity. Take a break. Spend time with the family. Learn a skill. Like dishwashing. Or ditch digging.

Number Four

Vanderkitten adds Bridie O’Donnell to the roster

So Bridie writes for us and she’s a panelist on the Hotstove. And she’s sharp, smart, and funny. Are we biased? Hell yes. But beyond that, she is an important voice for women’s cycling, and an advocate for fairness in the sport, not to mention society at large. We’re looking forward to her exploits with the new crew, and making her case for inclusion on the Australian Olympic Cycling Team. Vanderkitten is another shining example in the women’s peloton of providing outstanding support for their riders beyond the paycheque.

Number Three

Remaining Garmin women end up with AA Drink

I would love to hear the real story on this. But I’ll leave it alone this week and say that I’m glad to see Pooley, Armitstead, and the rest of the ladies find a secure home in an Olympic year. We all know there’s a real story behind the public relations fluff, but we’ll just have to wait until 2013 for that to come out.

Number Two

SHIFT Active Media lands RCS 

Now you all may be asking yourself why this is important, but please pay attention. Firstly, SHIFT Active Media has a strong understanding of cycling and the impact of “new media.” They represent some of the key players in the cycling industry and do savvy media buying, communications work, publishing, and creative. Their principals are some of the who’s who in the sport – including the ex-COO of Future Publishing, which owns cyclingnews.com and ProCycling Magazine. The also provide their services to 3T, Colnago, and fi’zi:k to name a few.  They understand the importance of new media and social media, even though Stephen Farrand still has a reluctance to fully embrace Twitter. Sorry, Stephen, I’m still smarting over that unfollow last year. (chuckle) Savvy move by the folks at RCS, as they understand the impact of the changing playing field of brand awareness, as seen in our own @pedalingtheroad interview with Marco Gobbi Pansana. Be thankful, cycling fans – they could have picked a dinosaur agency that would put, say, the Tour Down Under on Channel 9 rather than keep the coverage on the innovative SBS.

Number One

1t4i handles the Marcel Kittel situation in superior fashion

Imagine you are a rising superstar who has come off a record-setting rookie performance. You pride yourself on being clean. You ride for a team that has a stellar reputation when it comes to anti-doping initiatives. Then, you turn on German TV to see that you’re linked to a “doping” scandal.  Kittel was devastated. But you know what? His teammates rallied around him, all of them making phone calls to each other. The team spoke to Daniel Benson from cyclingnews.com right away to get the story out. But that wasn’t enough, they even put a detailed explanation of Kittel’s and teammate Patrick Gretsch’s involvement with the UV treatment on the team’s website. Plus, they even went so far as to note that John Degenkolb visited the doctor but didn’t receive the treatment.  For a team that prides itself on anti-doping initiatives and transparency, it’s outstanding to see that they hold true to those ideals when crisis hits. That’s great leadership by Iwan Spekenbrink. In addition, the cycling twitterati jumped on the bandwagon to call out the ambulance chasers of the news realm and hold them accountable.

Worst of the Week

Numero Cinco

Team Time Trialling  at World Championship Events Part II – The Belgian Sand

Is this a new trend in men’s elite racing? Just TTT to a win? It’s rather coincidental that the same thing happened at the road championships in Copenhagen. No matter. What’s the real story? Is it the Belgians taking full advantage of home sand, where they have expertise like no one else? Was it superior preparation to other nations? One thing is for sure, it certainly was an eyebrow-raising performance the likes of which has never been seen. However, on the plus side they had a phenomenal turnout of 62,000 people, something that the UCI attempted to limit to 42,000. Why? I just don’t know anymore. Nonetheless, if seven U.S. riders dominate next year, we pretty much know the answers to all of our questions – a home side win is good for business. The fix is in.

Numero Cuatro

Wanted: Investors in a private venture set up by non-profit funds borrowed without approval

This would be just sad if it wasn’t so absolutely atrociously funny. As @fmk_RoI noted on Twitter, why would the UCI want to invest in their own Ponzi Scheme? However, “speaking to people of means” could be your local loan shark, or even worse, a Russian gas magnate who runs Russian cycling, is President of the European Cycling Federation, and sits on the UCI Management Committee. He’s a great one with all sorts of connections, including Ukranian mafia, but I won’t go there, no, @inrng has a cracker post coming up on that (keep your eyes peeled starting Thursday at inrng.com). No, you see, the ASO said no to investing in the Ponzi Scheme as they preferred to be paid as the technical service provider for the races that have already been set up – like the Tour of Beijing – rather than risk losing money as an investor. You see, the UCI has a bad habit of misusing, misplacing, or flat out losing money. Of course, conventional wisdom would say that the ASO are positioning themselves to be bought as they continue to divest of a variety of  assets. Anyone remember how the GCP was set up? With funds borrowed from the ProTour fund, of course.

Numero Tres

Kathryne Bertine’s brush with an inept Aigle

The UCI addition of the worst of the week continues with Bertine coming out publicly to voice her frustration in her dealings with the cycling governing body that  resemble an accounting firm from a bad Monty Python sketch. No kidding. Losing points retroactively, and her federation files paperwork a couple of days late means that she may miss the Olympics? Due to a pencil pusher? It’s interesting to note that UCI rules have been bent and out right broken for many, especially if you have a brown envelope. In this case? Letter. Of. The. Law. However, is this more of a statement about federation politics? Bertine is a dual citizen, and she smartly saw an opportunity to go to the Olympics riding for a small nation rather than the United States. Could this be a politically motivated backlash? Heaven forbid a small nation sends one cycling athlete to the Olympics at the expense of another “cycling power.”  Stranger things have happened in Aigle.

Numero Dos

Levi Leipheimer wins Tour De San Luis

You all know why.

Numero Uno

Pat McQuaid and Hein Verbruggen and the UCI sue Paul Kimmage

I have an idea. I’m a public figure, and I’m fair game for criticism. But in my world no one should have an opinion but me. Because apparently I’m all knowing. Now, I run a semi satire via twitter on the fine Irish gentleman, but I’m a fooking parody. He’s not supposed to mirror my attitude in real life. But he is. I mean, could you imagine Guardian commentator Patrick Wintour being sued by former RBS honcho Fred Goodwin for Wintour’s comments about him losing his knighthood? Of course not! However, as reality doesn’t exist for McQuaid, Verbruggen and the UCI, and they insist that the cycling world “Eat Fooking Cake,” they can pretty much do whatever the fook they want. I appreciate the fact that they picked on Kimmage, because the gent will fight back. In fact, this may galvanize the cycling journalists around the world to zero in on the UCI and their pattern of behaviour. You don’t pick on an award winning bloke who has a history of standing up, because then he becomes a M-A-R-T-Y-R for others to gain a backbone. Like Joe Lindsey. Looks like the line for journos’ collective mouths up the UCI’s arse like that centipede horror film has shrunk to almost zero. And it’s only January. Well folks, grab your popcorn, as we’re in for a long year of bullshite politics. It’s an Olympic year after all.

Rasmussen shows his solidarity with Schumacher (photo courtesy Luis Barbosa)

“I can confirm that I have filed an injunction against my former teammate Levi Leipheimer for violating the terms of our personality rights infringement settlement. The terms of our settlement specifically state that he cannot be fully bald. He must maintain a one millimetre halo and cannot be shaven clean,” commented Schumacher.

The original injunction relates to a lawsuit filed in German courts after a falling out between Leipheimer and Schumacher during the 2006 season, which saw Leipheimer’s exit from the Gerolsteiner team to join Team Discovery Channel. Schumacher, fed up with being mistaken for Leipheimer throughout that tumultuous season sought “personality rights,” under German civil code, that rested on the foundation of his “distinctive baldness.”

Schumacher won the case, in part due to solid work from his legal team, the same legal eagles that worked with him during his doping issues. He also won the case due to Leipheimer’s failure to respond in court coupled with the American’s public assertion in February of 2007, “Who cares what happens in Germany? It ain’t the United States and we make world policy anyhow.”

Leipheimer’s answer to the injunction filed was to issue a beetroot-backed thumping of Schumacher during Stage 3 of the Tour de San Luis. He also offered a candid comment about the brewing situation.

“Look, he got caught and confessed to doping.  I think that from a moral perspective, anyone caught doping loses their right to any sort of look, and I think that I have truly brought baldness to a new level in Schumacher’s absence. As a clean professional cyclist, I’m sure the grassroots of the sport will back me 100 percent on this,” declared a steady Leipheimer.

Michael Rasmussen, Schumacher’s teammate and another in a string of reformed dopers in the peloton, declared his solidarity by shaving his head for Schumacher.

“Stefan deserves his court-ordered baldness personality rights. I’m shaving my head in the spirit of teamwork, camaraderie, and because if truth be told, I really have nothing left up there due to congenital premature hair loss which runs rampant among the Danish people, including Bjarne Riis,” stated Rasmussen.

However, Andy Shen and Dan Schmalz of nyvelocity.com fame – both dedicated cycling follicle experts – released a press statement on how the situation should be resolved.

“We feel that that people of the sport deserve a ‘bald off” during New York fashion week. Let a panel of experts including ourselves and those from the fashion runways of the world determine which one looks best bald, besides ourselves, of course.”

Adding insult to injury was Leipheimer’s victory in the individual time trial today at the Tour de San Luis, which was, in the words of Schumacher, “stolen by a clean-shaven thief of epic proportions hitherto unseen in the pro peloton.”

Schumacher’s legal team are examining Leipheimer’s schedule for the season and are planning to file injunctions in all jurisdictions to force Leipheimer to comply with the German court decision.

Hosking gives a great 2012 salute to the Overlord of Cycling (photo courtesy Joe Armao)

Worst Five Things of the Week

Numero Cinco

Chloe Hosking Admonished by Cycling Australia

So let’s get this straight. Hosking is given a “slap on the wrist” by Cycling Australia, and offers an apology to McQuaid. They are even thinking possibly of sanctions or fines for the offense. I find this interesting, considering some of the choice soundbites from the mens’ side of the Aussie contingent and their comments about McQuaid. McEwen anyone? I believe comments out of the UCI by a certain individual could be construed as “dickish.” Yet again, Cycling Australia shows they are out of step with the world climate.

Numero Cuatro

Leipheimer still tweets about Radioshack

Oh Levi, you look great in baby blue, but what does Lefevere have to say about your ridiculous product tweets about Radioshack, like this one? Is there something we should know about the relationship love-in between you and Lee Applebaum? Just a reality check, Levi – you are now riding for Omega Pharma Quickstep. And you look good in blue. Start talking about installing the latest laminate flooring in your Belgian shack. Oops sorry, didn’t mean to say the “S” word.

Numero Tres

Cipollini fires off at Cavendish, must be on Greipel’s payroll

Super Mario just likes to stir the fooking pot. What cracks me up is all the Tweeters from the wrong side of the Atlantic pontificating on how profound Cipo is on the subject of Cavendish. This, despite the fact that most Euro journalists have been extolling his virtues with the same platitudes for roughly four years now. At least. Of course Cipo is right. Of course Cav is wasting his talent, especially now that he’s in the protective cocoon of his home team. I’m waiting for Cipo to say that the UCI is bad for professional cycling, or maybe say that the Giro d’Italia is the only major grand tour that is listening to the peloton. Or maybe echo Robbie McEwen’s obvious sentiments about the Schlecks being ruled out of 2012 Tour victory due to the … gasp! time trials .

Numero Dos

Cervélo enters into exclusive arrangement with Pon

Why is this on the worst list? I’ve been down this path many times before. These sorts of arrangements beget the massive corporatism that follows. What made Cervélo a great brand and a great bicycle? Two gents who showed they had a heart for the sport, maybe sometimes too much heart, like the idea of creating a professional team that may have wiped out significant cash holdings. While some may say that this development gives more opportunity to the brand, like when Cannondale was bought out by that Canadian bicycle conglomerate, it also signifies a change of direction that could cause the death of the product. Time will tell.

Numero Uno

Bicycling Magazine January issue

I refuse to link to it. Refuse. I haven’t read the thing for several years, but a friend dispatched a copy for me to peruse, showing me what they have to suffer with on the wrong side of the Atlantic. Funny thing is, the cover could have been from five or ten years ago. “Get Lean Now,” “Stay Warm,” “Pasta Can Improve Your Riding,” “The Best New $2,000 Road Bikes.” Folks, it’s time you came up with a new schtick. No wonder Future Publishing is kicking your arse. I think Velonation is getting more hits on their website than you lot are.  The only saving grace? Strickland is still there, and our favourite Chiquita banana, @mplsminx, received a well-deserved mention. Two diamonds surrounded by muddy fooking porcines. Peter Flax is a nice man, but it’s really time to ponder the future of the magazine beyond the new logo. You’re starting down the path that “Velo” (or is it Velonews?) has almost completely traversed. The path to oblivion.

Best Five Things of the Week

Number Five

Emma Pooley confirms she and a cavalcade of teammates join AA Drink-Leontien.nl

Good news for some talented ladies who were almost left high and dry in an Olympic year by the collapse of the Vaughters-led Garmin team. The question is, did this development come about because of the efforts of Pooley, or did the aforementioned Vaughters have a hand in putting the deal together? Since he’s been quiet on the subject, it seems that he would like to close the door permanently on this chapter. It also means that there are several strong women’s teams based on the roster developments for the 2012 season.

Number Four

Ken Sommer leaves ‘The Shack‘

I may have given a hard time to both Sommer and Nygaard last year, but you know, they really are quality guys who do a pretty good job with what they are given. The fact that Sommer joined Nygaard’s exodus from the team shows that maybe, just maybe, he refused to suffer the coming ridiculousness from the Bruyneel-led team. After watching how Becca operates with his riders and ex-members of management, it probably makes sense that Bruyneel has teamed up with the billionaire construction magnate. Sommer’s exit, of course, will be attributed to his desire to move onto new ventures, but behind the scenes probably speaks to his dissatisfaction on how Becca will be allowing Bruyneel to operate. Sommer just went up several hundred notches in my book. Best of luck in the new venture.

Number Three

RCS names fourteen wild card candidates for the Giro and their other races

It is very nice to see that the Michele Acquarone-led organization is following through with their lip service to be a more accessible, more team-friendly, and ultimately a more rider-friendly organization. The fact that they have released the list of the teams in the running for wild cards this early in the season means that they are holding true to the values that they have touted as central to their mission. Nice also to see a tour organizer stay consistent with their follow-through. This is testament to great leadership by a gentleman who, in fact, is now blogging for cyclingnews.com, where he actually explained the process for wildcards. Wow. Novel concept. Setting a bad precedent for yours truly…

Number Two

Inner Ring breaks an omerta to discuss Makarov and Russian Cycling

A fine article well worth the read. The great bard of cycling refused to connect the dots and make the allegations that Makarov has links to the Russian criminal underworld, as he confided to me that he didn’t want a pair of  “concrete Sidis.” Good point. The troubling part of this equation is the amount of nepotism, corruption, and rampant cronyism in the sport that leads to ties with the criminal elements of the world. However, just do a Google search for igor makarov semyon mogilevich and see what turns up. And don’t go near any cement mixers.

Number One

Chloe Hosking calls Pat McQuaid a “dick”

What else would you expect to be numero uno on a list from yours truly? Let the dick jokes commence.