AG2R participate in court-ordered team-building exercises (Getty images)

The announcement comes just days after AG2R team manager Vincent Lavenu declared to infamous Eurosport commentator Brian Smith that the 2012 Tour de France route was “well-suited” to Peraud, as reported by cyclingnews.com. Teammate Christophe Riblon also declared his allegiance to the Gadret-Peraud bloc with his fawning summary of Peraud:

It’s all in the eyes. He has this magnetic gaze that instantaneously makes you melt, yet gives you power to conquer the highest peaks of Europe. I’d follow him to the ends of the earth, or the nearest nightclub, whichever came first,” gushed Riblon.

Nico Roche spent the ensuing 24 hours following Lavenu’s media session by chopping wood at his father’s summer retreat in the Pyrenees. This undertaking was part of his therapist-decreed anger-suppression exercises, implemented as reparation for his infamous outbursts alleging Gadret’s impersonation of Benedict Arnold at the 2010 Tour de France.

Roche famously decreed that if Gadret had been found dead in a hotel room, he would have been the primary suspect and followed that up with his other scathing comment about putting Gadret’s head through a bus window. Roche has been a shadow of his former self post-2010, and has been looking for ways to regain his confidence. However, the words and actions of Lavenu in 2011 cemented the requirement for the off-season Peace Summit.

When reached for comment, Peraud was his typically diplomatic self, reflecting the attitude of a true champion.

Roche is a very strong young man with all the phyical attributes required of a solid professional bicycle racer. He is meticulous in his preparation for races, to the point of obsessive compulsiveness. However, the question still remains, does he have the mental ability to rise above the petty skirmishes that he has initiated with Gadret?”

Gadret was more than open with his assessment of the reasons for the peace conference.

Roche called me a wingnut. Who’s the wingnut now, Roche? I was at the Giro d’Italia presentation flirting with the ladies backstage and getting phone numbers. Where was he? Chopping wood in the Pyrenees, I presume.”

Roche declined our phone calls for this report. However, upon the appearance of a Cyclismas.com reporter to his summer retreat, Roche did his best impersonation of a young Sean Penn by destroying all the reporter’s technical equipment, including his new iPhone 4s. Roche’s agent, Andrew McQuaid, son of UCI Emperor-for-Life Pat McQuaid, also refused any comments to the press other than two words which aren’t permissible to publish.

Lavenu will be conducting the peace summit under the watchful eye of AIGCP head, Jonathan Vaughters. Cyclismas.com will have the exclusive results of the meetings upon their conclusion October 29th, 2011.

The trio of striking styles took center stage over the actual presentation, reducing UCI President Pat McQuaid’s choppy Skype appearance to insignificance in addition to overshadowing the main presenter’s blatant facial homage to Billy Bob Thornton.

The Giro Contestants

It should be noted that the three distinctive styles adopted by those at the presentation reflected, in some respects, the lack of originality in the cycling peloton. The group was revived, however, by a breath of fresh air in the guise of new Giro Director, Michele Aquarone, who adopted a simple but elegant ensemble punctuated by his gracious vocal style, which included a nod to his meteoric predecessor, Angelo Zomegnan.

Of the Rooster/Scruff/Bald stylings adorning the present members of the peloton, Jon Gadret and former Marco Pantani teammate Stefano Garzelli led the way with “bald.” While Garzelli’s style seemed less Romulan than normal, it was Gadret who took the prize for best bald, thankfully minus his typical smattering of facial piercings and his smouldering Nico-Roche-inspired angry face.

While the bald category may have been sparsely represented, several hundred entrants comprised the “rooster” category, duly noted by the RAI’s Alessandra de Stefano, who almost fell off the stage during the proceedings due to the massive contingent of preening cocks presented. One clear winner emerged in the form of CyclingNews‘ own Daniel Benson, whose style received a massive lift due to the presence Mario Cipollini a short distance away. The aura of Cipollini decidedly gave Benson the rooster category win, which he punctuated with his question – intelligently answered by fellow category member Jakob Fuglsang.

Presentation proceedings took a break with the requisite U2 “Beautiful Day” montage, duly noted by Daniel Friebe of ProCycling Magazine via his twitter feed, before the scruff category came onto the stage. Scruff finalists Thor Hushovd and Ivan Basso engaged in a duel for the coveted award, and unfortunately for Basso, his dramatically receding hairline was no match for the closely-cropped stubble skull look made famous by the Norwegian former world champion. Also of note was a lifetime achievement award handed out in the scruff category to Paolo Bettini, bringing many in the audience to tears.

Mafioso category contestants were strangely absent, no doubt intimidated by the presence of the aforementioned Cipollini.

The route presentation concluded with a bizarre hallucinogenic musical number complete with Girbecco, the giant Giro d’Italia plush bear, playing keytar for bedazzled Danish jazz singer Malene Mortensen’s strangely tuneless vocal performance, to which Alberto Contador and Stephen Farrand could be seen gyrating together, smiles more than present.

Overall, the 2012 Giro d’Italia route presentation was one of the best in years, a promising harbinger of the race itself, commencing in Herning on May 5th, 2012.