“We are proudly announced almost all riders for Katusha Team are cooperating with authorised anti-doping bodies,” stated the press release, “We are happy of this declarations of being 96.55172413793103 percent clean.”

Galimzyanov's confession letter (photo courtesy of www.inrng.com)

When asked about the 3.44827586206897 percent that wasn’t clean, team manager Brian Holczer was definitive in his answers.

“We have a handwritten letter explaining the percentage that is the issue for our team. I will say I am quite proud we are almost 100 percent clean. It is a big improvement over my last team, Gerolsteiner, where it seems the opposite was true. It took me years to overcome that hurdle and return to the sport,” commented Holczer.

The handwritten letter, courtesy of star-Katusha-sprinter Denis Galimzyanov, went out of its way to explain why the team shouldn’t suffer for his personal transgressions. It documented his troubled past, the dubious sort of folks whose influence he acceded to in China at the Tour of Beijing, and the vast quantities of consumer electronics and cut-rate textiles he received in exchange for use of the Chinese EPO. In fact, Galimzyanov’s likeness has been reportedly seen on Chinese television where he served as a spokesman for the EPO company supplying him.

When asked about Galimzyanov, Holczer was extremely defensive.

“Hey now! Just because I was on a team with a high percentage of cheats in the past doesn’t mean I am directly responsible for what happens with the riders on my team. I am a victim of coincidence. Just because I run the team doesn’t mean I have an obligation to keep track of every single rider. It’s a big team. I am proud of the fact that Katusha is currently  96.55172413793103 percent clean. In fact, now that Denis has admitted his transgressions and decided not to fight the charges, Katusha is currently a 100-percent clean team,” spun Holczer.

Katusha team owner Igor Makarov offered his thoughts.

“In Russia, achieving a 96.55172413793103 percent in university grading means you are heralded as a genius in your studies. I am proud of my team’s record. I’m also proud of Denis admitting his mistakes, and taking his prison sentence like a true Russian Hero,” stated Makarov via phone from his 60-foot yacht, Areti 1.

Katusha takes a fully-loaded roster to Fleche Wallone on Wednesday.