That was how many of us reacted when watching Sebastian Vettel’s shifty overtaking manoeuvre on Red Bull team-mate Mark Webber to defy team orders coming over race radio and take a controversial win in Formula One’s Malaysian GP on Sunday.

“Multi 21, Seb. Multi 21.” These were the only words Webber – incandescent with rage – said to Vettel in the drivers’ room after the bad-tempered race, thought to be a reference to the Red Bull team code for holding station (a technical motorsporting term for ‘not racing’).

“What part of Multi 21, Seb, Multi 21 didn’t you get? ” (Photograph: Hoch Zwei/Corbis)

Perhaps, back in July last year when Chris Froome was riding hard on the final climb to Peyragudes in stage 17, it was a similar radio order that saw the Sky super-domestique check his speed and slow for team leader Bradley Wiggins.

“Multi 21, Chris. Multi 21. Chris, Multi 21!” the order would have come through the earpiece on the three occasions young buck Froome opened up a tantalising gap over the yellow jersey of the veteran trying to hold his wheel.

Hours after Vettel put points before friends and team morale, Sky were going about their usual business of pretty much bleeding everyone else dry on the final two climbs of the day on the deciding stage of the Criterium International.

“People get carried away with the whole machine/robot kind of thing but at the end of the day, they are human beings,” said Sky manager Dave Brailsford a fortnight ago after Tirreno-Adriatico.

And yet, there were Sky doing their best not to de-humanise the race by setting what most French-language websites describe as an “infernal” pace. Joe Dombrowski, Jon Tiernan-Locke, Xabi Zandio and Kostanstin Siutsou all pulled hard on the front to chase down a break that included – rarity of rarities – Andy Schleck.

Then, Vasil Kiryienka – a new recruit from Movistar over the off-season – was in no way machine-like or robotic in decimating the field “to get us to that point where Froomey and I can attack at the end,” as described by Richie Porte, who had taken the race lead on Saturday after a second time trial victory in as many weeks.

Best buddies Porte and Froome rode hard together before there was a potential Vettel-Webber moment when last year’s Tour de France runner-up put in a huge dig and dropped the yellow jersey – before riding off into the sunset up the Col de l’Ospedale to take the stage and overall victory.

New BFFs Chris Froome and Richie Porte (Image: skysports.com)

Tasmanian Porte finished with a flourish to secure a double one-two for Sky – in both the stage and on GC. It was a job well done which “panned out more or less how we expected,” according to Froome. Porte agreed. “Tactically we were spot on today,” he said without any rancour at having lost the maillot jaune to his team-mate.

“The only important thing was that Team Sky won today. It’s always special to get a one-two on the podium, especially given the strength of the field we had here, and we’re super happy.”

One-twos are becoming something of a habit for Sky following their performance in the 2012 Tour and now here in Corsica. In fact, one-twos are becoming so old hat that expectations have grown.

According to a top secret source – a former adjoint sous chef currently on an 80-day rolling contract to source the best pasta and rice grains ahead of the Giro next month – Sky have visions of turning entire podiums black and blue and Rapha-hued.

“We all know that the original plan at Sky was ‘to create the first British winner of the Tour de France within five years’,” said the deputy chef’s assistant.

“Now, the use of the verb ‘create’ is a bit unfortunate there – especially for a team management bent on discrediting the notion that its riders can be built and programmed like robots – or, if you will, created like some kind of gastronomic dish.

“Anyway, I digress. They downgraded that aim to simply winning the Tour within five years – wholly needlessly, it turned out, because a British rider (albeit one created in Belgium) did manage to do that within a couple of years.”

Seeing two riders on the top rungs of the podium in Paris gave the ambitious Brailsford new ideas.

“They all went off and did the Olympics, tra la la, but it was clear that Dave was planning his next move. Which is quite simple: to have three – and not two – Sky riders on the podium in the Tour.”

The plan for July is for friends Froome and Porte to top the podium and Wiggins to take the third rung after himself winning the Giro (ideally ahead of Colombians Rigoberto Uran and Sergio Henao).

“It may sound crazy,” said the culinary source, “but actually that’s just the start of it. The ultimate aim is to send an entire nine-man team to the Tour and to place them in the top ten. That’s why Cavendish was flogged – they tried to test out his climbing ability last year, but Tim Kerrison decided that Cav couldn’t swim very well and was definitely never top-ten material and so wholly surplus to requirements.”

Is a Sky top ten in the future? (Image: skysports.com)

As such, the likes of Dario Cataldo, Uran and Henao are being conditioned to ride so ably as super-domestiques that they place themselves in the top ten by dint of everyone else in the peloton being completely shanked after three weeks of hell.

“You could say the Colombians and Darius – as we call him in the kitchen – are being groomed for their roles. In fact, chez Sky we actually call it being ‘froomed’ now.”

Such lofty ambitions bordering on the dictatorial have not made Brailsford lose his sense of humour, however.

“Dave had a bet with Sean Yates that, whoever the other rider is who finishes in the top ten alongside our nine boys, Sky will sign – regardless of his team or cost, provided his provenance checks out okay and he’s not mates with Bobby Julich.

“But you see, that’s what will make the whole thing exciting and keep the suspense going right to the end.”

In his latest column for Cyclismas, Blazin’ Saddles drops the wise-cracking facade and has a go at actually writing something vaguely serious…

Saddleblaze has a confession to make: he didn’t actually watch the 9.6km deciding time trial up the Col d’Eze in Paris-Nice. He was busy moving house and doing chores – but it came as no surprise when he saw that the rubber-faced Tasmanian Richie Porte had picked up both the stage win and the overall victory.

Later, once the dust had settled – or snow, if you’re a UK resident – Saddles had a trawl through his feed on Twitter to gauge the public reaction following Team Sky’s latest stage race victory. One tweet in particular stood out, and sparked a huge ding-dong debate.

With reference to Porte’s victorious ride over Andrew Talansky in the ITT, SuzeCY aka @festinagirl wrote:

23″ that’s a HUGE winning margin

— SuzeCY (@festinagirl) March 10, 2013

Respected cycling scribe and bouffant extraordinaire Daniel Friebe (@friebos) replied with a typically measured and insightful tweet:

@festinagirl Huge? Fairly standard. Poulidor beats Merckx by ’22 in 69, Michel Laurent by ’30 in 76, Roche by ’32 (from Indurain) in 89 etc

— Daniel Friebe (@friebos) March 10, 2013

And so sparked a war of words and opinions that rose up and down more ferociously than the raging seas in the terrible George Clooney film, The Perfect Storm (spoiler: they all die).

“Imagine what he’ll be like when he loses some weight,” quipped @festinagirl with reference to the portly Australian’s slightly tubby build.

@daveno7 wow, how fast will he go when he’s dropped a few pounds?

— SuzeCY (@festinagirl) March 10, 2013

She then dug up some stats from last year’s identical time trial up the Col d’Eze:

@friebos Wiggins, an acknowledged TTer, could only beat Westra by 2″ – Porte smashed the rest of the field without trying

— SuzeCY (@festinagirl) March 10, 2013

Having since watched the highlights of the final stage, Saddles can pretty much vouch that Porte’s efforts were not exactly in line with someone “not trying.” But for the sake of being an omniscient narrator here, Saddles will keep out of the argument. Besides, as @paddyjim threw into the ring, Wiggins did pick up a puncture during his winning ride last year, so those two seconds are kind of misleading.

“True but winning margin to 10th last year was just over 1min, winning margin to 3rd today was 1min 20+ secs – huge gaps,” returned @festinagirl, perhaps confusing the overall GC time gaps with those on the day (third place Nairo Quintana was 23 seconds down and the 10th place rider was 1:06 in arrears – that’s to say, “just over 1min”).

“You really think 23′ in a 20 minute race is a huge margin? In that case 1min is necessarily suspicious in a 55km TT. Come on,” replied an exasperated @friebos.

At this stage, a third party – ACF aka @Acycling_fan – entered the ring with a typically opinionated statement:

@friebos @festinagirl lets cut to the chase. Skys performances hav been US POSTAL style. guys who couldnt climb 1 yr are awesome the next yr

— ACF (@ACycling_fan) March 10, 2013

“Like? Some, not all, have certainly improved. They’ve also gone from leading teams to riding as domestiques,” replied @friebos, matter-of-factly.

“Where was Porte a team leader?” asked @festinagirl, forgetting Porte’s breakthrough seventh place in the 2010 Giro while at Saxo Bank. “Sure, Sky super doms have potential to lead elsewhere but that’s not unique to Sky.”

“Enough. We know what you think,” said @friebos, clearly eager to call time on a futile session of Sunday evening verbal fencing (after all, the final episode of gripping ITV drama, Mr Selfridge, was about to begin).

But the author of Mountain High and Eddy Merckx: The Cannibal couldn’t resist one final jab of the epée. “You have 7000 followers. Free to say what you like, but that’s a big audience to tell that someone is a fraud.”

This clearly got up the nose of the Prosecution’s tag-teamer @Acycling_fan, who jumped in with a seemingly personal jibe:

@friebos @festinagirl dan, you can keep the public stupid, just like the cycling press did for so Many years with Lance

— ACF (@ACycling_fan) March 10, 2013

“Simply not true. 95% of those who read cycling press had drawn correct conclusion about LA,” said the Defence, standing his ground.

At this point in proceedings, SBS young buck Al Hinds, who has followed the career of Porte intently since his time as cub reporter at Cyclingnews, pinged one off in support of the curly-haired Friebe:

@friebos @acycling_fan @festinagirl save yourself the pain mate. Not worth it.

— Alexander Hinds (@al_hinds) March 10, 2013

Clearly irate, the embittered @Acycling_fan came back with another fierce jab below the belt: “Well done Alex, keep the Omertà strong.”

Re-entering the room after perhaps warming up some dinner in the microwave (Findus Crispy Lasagne, allegedly), @festinagirl took @friebos to account with his comment about her misleading her lavish hoard of followers on Twitter.

“Not sure what your point is? All views are my own as are yours, presumably?” came the reply, prompting Britain’s leading young cycling journalist into a staunch defence of his own journalistic integrity: “I don’t and can’t print libellous supposition. We’re bound by same rules (no, laws) on here, or should be.”

There followed a long silence from the Prosecution. Once the case was taken back up, there seemed to be a marked shift from insinuations of doping to accusations of boredom-inducement and suffocation of the mystique.

As if it wasn’t enough for Porte to become the first Australian to win Paris-Nice while taking the queen’s stage mountain-top finish as well as the final uphill time trial, the Tasmanian was being chastised for doing it in a robotic and dour fashion.

Richie Porte ‘not trying’ up the Col d’Eze (Photo: AFP)

Anyway, time for Saddles to join the fray. Your humble cycling blogger finds the whole verbal spat rather irksome – and entirely symptomatic of the climate brought on by years of lies and shattered dreams.

But here’s the thing.

All cycling fans are allowed to be suspicious, for sure, but it’s getting out of hand when any admirable performance is greeted with a mass of jeers – a general wave of discontent that has the power to spread much faster in an era where Twitter reigns supreme, where everyone is a journalist and yet doesn’t feel they still have to adhere to the same moral framework the profession requires.

Given what happened before with Armstrong, brushes, and carpets, it’s become highly fashionable now for people – whether big or small – to throw the book at any performance that outdoes the other lesser performances on the day. There seems to be a consensus amongst a growing majority that no riders can improve without drugs; that riding “intelligently” is just another way of being “better prepared”; that Team Sky’s dominance is clearly a case of Groundhog Day.

It seems to Saddles that there are too many nihilistic iconoclasts out there bent on becoming the next Paul Kimmage. (You could say, even, that Paul Kimmage is bent on becoming the next Paul Kimmage – or at least a v2.0 Paul Kimmage – but that’s an entirely different tangent.)

Some cycling fans are distrusting of everything not through any measured thought, but on principle (but without principle). They’re doing it by default just so they can say – should something emerge at a later date – that they told you so. It’s a no-lose situation for them. Team Sky don’t get caught out – the suspicion still lingers; they do – hey, I told you so.

Granted, it’s probably not enough for many fans to take things on trust anymore. But by the same token, it’s not right for default suspicions to precede any form of appreciation of training methods, hard work, dedication and professionalism.

Yes, there’s a chance that Sky are US Postal mark two – but there’s also a much more likely chance that they are Sky mark one and are precisely what has emerged from the ashes of the American team.

With the top end of cycling relying pretty much on covert doping operations for nigh-on two decades, there was certainly a window of opportunity for a team coming in with advanced training methods centred around squad cohesion, teamwork, and marginal gains.

Yes, it’s not to everyone’s liking (the 2012 Tour de France was a dire spectacle, to be sure) but it’s damned effective.

“There’s no secret,” said Chris Froome after taking the Tirreno-Adriatico leader’s blue jersey over the border on Sunday. “It’s just continuing to work the way we worked in the last few years: training, measuring the training, and going back and doing it again. There’s not too much to it. It’s about getting the basics right.”

Vincenzo Nibali would agree – the Italian telling reporters on Sunday that he “paid a price for the infernal rhythm of Froome’s team in the finale.”

As for Porte, his time at Sky is “totally different” from his stint at Saxo Bank. “There is no other team training as hard as we do,” he confirmed. “The proof is in the pudding.”

(Photo: Getty Images)

Sky, it seems, have it sorted out. They have a roll call of GC riders – Wiggins, Froome, Porte – all ably supported by an interchangeable array of super-domestiques. The likes of Lopez, Uran, Henao, Cataldo, Zandio, Siutsou, and Kiryienka can all do a job if called upon – and that’s not even mentioning the classics riders and all-rounders like Thomas and Boasson-Hagen.

It is any surprise that Sky are so strong with such strength in depth and advanced training?

Yes, many of us share @festinagirl’s views when she says she’d much prefer watching riders like Voigt and Voeckler than a group of black-and-blue clad warriors dialing in the required wattage into their powermeters and riding to a programme.

But riders like Voeckler and Voigt are a dying breed. Besides, most of the ones we came to love over the past couple of decades had precisely the kind of preparatory help that many are so quick to accuse Sky of employing.

Fans need to be more realistic. By all means, be cynical – but do so for a reason and not merely in protest. Omertà is one thing, but a persistent finger-pointing and unmeasured hounding is just as bad.

One would say Bradley Wiggins and Chris Froome were chewing the fat – but there wasn’t much blubber on display. These two men look lean and mean as they approach a new season with a huge weight of expectation on their narrow, bony shoulders.

The long and unruly mop adorning Wiggins’ head was mirrored by the shorter and more severe closely-cropped fuzz of Froome – the army-style cut perhaps an act of defiance on the face of things. (Quite where that puts Brailsford, with his own bald pate, is anyone’s guess.)

The mop vs. the buzz (Getty image)

A few blocks down the road from the swanky hotel that is Team Sky’s winter training base was the spot where a topless post-Olympics Wiggins was photographed, half-cut, crouching on a kerb with a fag in his mouth back in those heady days of August.

The only fag on display five months later in January was Froome himself.

After all – in the British private school system, a “fag” does indeed denote a younger pupil required to perform certain menial tasks for an older pupil of higher class. Such tasks can include warming loo seats, toasting crumpets or – in the case of Froome – fetching bidons and withstanding the bullying from the boys from other schools while protecting his institution’s Head Boy through thick and thin.

(Conservative Prime Minister David Cameron’s fag, incidentally, is how the British media cruelly – albeit deliciously – portray Nick Clegg, the Liberal Democrat leader and other half of the faltering coalition government.)

Should Sky want to top the school tables this year for Headmaster Brailsford, they will have to hope their own coalition delivers the goods – and former fag Froome was quick to remind reporters out in Majorca last week of his leadership qualities.

“I was a Prefect at school,” he said with a grin, clearly eager to clear any doubts as to who will be whipping the cane this season for the Rapha-clad road racers.

School prefect trumps Alpha mod?

Froome stressed he was “100% certain” of his position as Sky’s team leader for this year’s 100th edition of the Tour de France. Wiggins may be the team’s Alpha male – but Froome the Beta rider has his heart set on being a Rapha world-beater in 2013.

Asked whether or not he expected the loyalty he showed to Wiggins to be repaid come July, Froome again played the percentages card. “100%,” he replied. “The team’s success depends on that – that everyone buys into that plan. If everyone’s off doing their own thing it’s going to be a circus.”

Going off and doing his own thing is the preferred means of functioning for Wiggo the circus master, who notoriously loves to train alone with only the laptop of Tim Kerrison, Sky’s Head of Performance Support, as a companion.

While Froome is adamant that “this year, our roles will be reversed and he’ll be doing the job for me,” Wiggins for his part only admits that “the likelihood is that Chris will be the leader and I will be there in a supporting role.”

The knighted bicycle rider did enough to suggest that all was not plain sailing in the Sky camp by underlining he still harbours a strong desire to win the Tour again. “It may be this year, it may be next year,” Wiggins said, cryptically.

Indeed, despite all the bullish talk from Froome, rumours of late suggest that Kerrison, Sky’s numbers man, is secretly convinced that Wiggins can use the Giro to his benefit and arrive in Corsica for the Tour’s grand depart even stronger than last year. So while Froome is currently being touted as Sky’s trump card, things could pan out very differently when the pair meet up in the school playground.

If this Morcambe & Wise comedy sideshow wasn’t enough as it is, imagine how it would have been had Vincenzo Nibali made it a right Goon Show by joining Sky back in 2010. This, admitted the new Astana rider in an interview last week, is indeed what the Italian regretted he had not done.

“Do I wish I’d signed? It was a new team and I was looking forward to being part of a big international team. Yes, I wish I’d been able to ride for them then,” Nibali said.

Of course, quite what would have happened to Nibali – who did after all win the Vuelta in 2010 with Liquigas – had he joined Sky is anyone’s guess. In fact, quite what would have happened to Sky is perhaps just as pertinent a question.

Had he joined at the team’s inception, would Nibali have have adopted the Froome role as Wiggo’s fag – or would Team Sky’s first grand tour winner have been an Italian (albeit one coerced into growing his sideburns and uttering cockneyed profanities like a pizza parlour waiter in Clerkenwell)?

Chris Froome in the 2008 Tour de France (image by Bettini courtesy of Cyclingnews)

Back in 2010 nobody could have expected the meteoric rise of Froome, the former Barloworld rider who for years battled against a rare African parasitic disease of the blood; a rider who, nevertheless, according to The Guardian newspaper on Saturday, “showed real potential” in 2008 when “competing on Alpe d’Huez against a formidable climber and doper in Denis Menchov.”

Such accusatory vernacular was a bit gung-ho for even The Guardian, which quickly amended its online version of the article to downgrade Menchov to a plain old “formidable climber” – no doubt following a quick call from the Silent Assassin’s lawyers. (And there we were thinking that the Operacion Puerto trial wasn’t due to open for a couple of days…)

Anyway, back to Nibali and his hypothetical position in Sky. Given what has happened over the past couple of seasons – Froome’s rise coupled with Wiggins’s wins – the Italian probably would have found his way to Astana this season anyway.

As it is, like he was in the 2012 Tour, Nibali will be one of Wiggins’ main opponents in the Giro this May. But the question remains: will Wiggo ride the Giro all-out to win, or with a view to taking his form into the Tour as Sky’s star pupil?

“I’m a reasonable guy. I’m not a dictator,” claimed Wiggo last week in Majorca. From the unchained subject sitting next to him, was there a perceptible frown from Froome?

The bars will only be used by Sir Jeremy Wiggins to push aside all the air from the vicinity of his trusted team leader.

The clever attachment has been tested in Sub-Saharan Africa, as no wind tunnel is sturdy enough to handle the nano-vortex created as it scythes through the air on the front of the former Mister Wiggins’ Pinarello.

Data hastily scribbled on a napkin suggests that a rider seated behind Wiggo actually has to feather the brakes on climbs to prevent them overtaking their former leader.

“When the other Sir told me that I was only allowed to win the Giro and Liège-BastogneLiège this year, we looked earnestly at the best way I can help Chris after he had laid it all down for me last year. I feel that pushing aside most of the air in France is the least I can do. The major lifetime achievement of gigging with Sir Paul Weller was simply down to Chris not attacking me that often in 2012, and so it’s time for me to do my part and maybe get him a gig with Rihanna.”

In preparation for use of the FrancoFoil™, as it has been dubbed, the ASO will be installing handrails along the main climbs to prevent spectators from being sucked into the Team Sky mean machine.

Outgoing UCI president Pat McQuaid welcomed the device as “an innovative new development that would, in time, lead to greater understanding of the issues I faced in doing what Hein told me. This socks and saddle-angle nonsense made me sad and I sincerely hope the FrancoFoil™ can finally bring about fair wages for women professional people. Jambo mother Africa.”

Sources close to Saddles have revealed that affable Giro general dictator Michele Acquarone is “moving heaven and earth” to ensure the presence of last year’s Tour de France winner in this year’s Giro.

It has already been widely reported that the inclusion of more than 90 time trial kilometres in the 2013 Giro route was brought about with the primary function of attracting Wiggo’s gaze. Now it emerges that this profligacy of against-the-clock machismo marked the symbolic first incidence of long-time Wiggins suitor Acquarone – known by his friends as ‘The Peacock’ – fanning his feathers.

In short, it was the first of many coquettish advances performed in a bid to wantonly woo Wiggins.

“It all started during the Tour last year. We were watching the second time trial in Giro HQ and Michele was entranced by Bradley’s pedal strokes,” said Saddles’ source (not to be confused with Saddle Sauce™ – a brand of bespoke chamois cream).

“At first there was serious consideration given into hosting the opening stage of the Giro in Wiggo’s birth town of Ghent but when that became impossible Michele was quick to suggest Naples.”

The Mediterranean seaside city was selected primarily because it is hoped that the volcanic peak of Vesuvius will remind Wiggins of his training rides in the shadow of Mount Tiede on Tenerife.

Naples is also said to be the favourite Italian city of the singer Paul Weller, with whom Wiggins often jams on his guitar. The pair are currently recording a song set for release in spring.

“When Michele heard about Wiggins and Weller, he went all weak at the knees. ‘We must get them to record the Giro’s official song – now that’s entertainment,’ he told us all in a dream-like stupor.”

Soon after the 2013 route was disclosed, Acquarone and his team announced that Wiggins’ close friend, the British designer Sir Paul Smith, would be designing the Giro’s fabled pink jersey.

The prospect of Sir Bradley Wiggins mounting a podium to put on a special maglia rosa designed by Sir Paul Smith is mouthwatering. Riding the crest of a wave, Acquarone is said to be in favour of approaching British comedians Paul Whitehouse and Mark Williams to record a one-off version of their “Suits you, Sir” sketch from The Fast Show.

“If that wasn’t enough, Michele has even put in a request with Johnny Depp’s publicist for the actor to reprise his guest role from the last ever episode of the series,” said the source. “Apparently Depp is a bigger cycling fan than both Robin Williams and Ben Stiller combined.”

While details of the 2013 Giro opening ceremony are still under wraps, it has leaked that Wiggins has been approached to ring a bell to sound the start of the three-week festival of cycling. This is but one of many movements being carried out to make sure Wiggins feels he is being accommodated, nay groomed, as the official face of the race.

Following her electric on-screen chemistry with Wiggins at the BBC Sports Personality of the Year award in London late last year, veteran reporter Susan Barker has reportedly been given a gig as one of the race’s podium girls. A video of Wiggins and Barker eating Italian spaghetti in the style of the hit Disney cartoon Lady And The Tramp is also in the offing, as is a limited edition t-shirt made out of purple velours, designed by Fred Perry and adorned with the catchphrase ‘Look, Susan’.

All male race staff – including the Carabinieri – are being encouraged to grow their sideburns in a bid to pay their respects to the man Acquarone is hoping will succeed Ryder Hesjedal as the maglia rosa in Brescia on 26th May. Meanwhile, Team Sky will be given special dispensation to fill their musettes with McDonald’s burgers to stave off any bonking in the mountains.

It doesn’t stop at making Wiggins simply feel at home. In fact, the latest raft of rumours seem to indicate that Acquarone and his team are also bent on giving Wiggins a sporting advantage during the race.

As such, Fabian Cancellara is likely to be banned from the race, while steps are being taken to ensure that Tony Martin suffers a nasty fall in the opening week, whereby eliminating Wiggins’ principal threats for the all-important time trials.

Acquarone was also the driving force behind Katusha not receiving a wild-card invite for the race. “He thought that the last thing the race needed was Joaquim Rodriguez pushing for the pink jersey,” said Saddles’ source.

Complicated measures have been taken to ensure that the route never passes nearby petrol station forecourts for fear of Wiggins colliding with rogue drivers.

It is also thought that an online “Froome Fund” has been set up by Acquarone to make sure that Wiggins’ favoured right-hand man is on hand to guide him up the Galibier. Only once this job has been done will Froome be allowed to retire from the race and concentrate on his preparations for the Tour de France.

“Michele isn’t only offering Chris money. He’s pulled the strings with some of his well-connected friends in London: Froome will be honoured with a Victoria Cross for self-sacrifice on the battlefield in the 2013 New Year’s honours list.”

Talking of honours, it is said to be Acquarone’s bizarre infatuation with not only being responsible for helping Wiggins make history, but also making history himself, that is proving his most steely motivation.

“Michele has it in his head that should Wiggo win the Giro one year after he wins the Tour, he’ll be in line for a peerage. He wants to be the man who will be remembered in the history books as being the principal contributor to Wiggins’ upgrading from a Sir to a Lord. This might sound odd, but I believe he fancies himself as a type of honorary Italian Austin Powers type figure – but with better teeth,” added the source with a whisper.

Acquarone offered no comment when approached by Saddleblaze about these allegations. He did, however, stress his disappointment that Katusha’s absence from the race would deprive fans of the chance to see Denis Menchov in action.

When quizzed about the choice of wildcards for the race, Acquarone said the decision had been a difficult one and hoped that next year a new system will jazz things up a little. Acquarone is said to be in favour of seven wild cards joining 15 ProTour teams, with a public fan vote deciding just who makes the cut.

“He already told us about his plans to produce a Saturday night reality TV game show called ‘Who Wants To Be A Giro Wildcard?’ which will be presented by Silvio Berlusconi’s new wife,” confirmed the source.

One thing’s for sure, with Michele Acquarone at the helm, things are rarely boring. Which is why, quite frankly, his efforts to make Wiggins the face of the Giro is just so very baffling…

Brad Wiggins serenades the crowd after his SPOTY win. Team Sky lieutenant Chris Froome is nowhere to be seen. (photo courtesy news168.co.uk)

“Look, I can play the guitar. I’m in a soon-to-be-announced super group with Paul Weller. I ride a scooter. I’m starting a scooter racing league in Manchester in 2014.  I dress like a drunken sea captain. In fact, I have a new drunken sailor clothing line with Fred Perry. I’ve dropped all my long-time friends like yesterday’s paper. I deserve the opportunity to pad my ample bank account with two more victories,” stated Wiggins.

While Wiggo’s massive groupie following continues to fan the flames of his ego, the not-so-mopey modster’s plan for cycling domination has encountered one tiny snag – the commitments made by Wiggins and Team Sky principal/Dr. Evil doppelganger David Brailsford to perpetual bridesmaid Chris Froome. After “WonderWiggo” won the Tour de France in 2012, the duo declared Team Sky lad-in-waiting Chris Froome to be the definite captain for the 2013 Tour.

“Look, me and Davey are allowed to change our minds. Especially when there’s wads of cash being thrown our way. I mean, I need to make as much money as I can because the missus spends it faster than a 60 year-old cougar at the craps table in Vegas,” commented Wiggins.

However, one vocal critic of the the move is Tour de France champion Bernard Hinault, who famously dueled with his own number two, Greg LeMond, at the 1986 Tour de France. The move fractured a fragile La Vie Claire team, sending much of the team talent elsewhere in 1987. The war in 1986 left an unprepared Jean Francois Bernard to pick up the pieces, gasping up Ventoux during the famous Stephen Roche Tour victory the following year.

“You would think they’d have learnt their lesson. The biggest mistake I made was declaring after my 1985 victory that I would support Greg. It gave Greg focus. It gave him a target. And he kicked my cul all over France. I couldn’t shake the leech. In hindsight, I should have just shut my trap until the week before the Tour and then declared my undying loyalty to him,” said a nonsensical Hinault speaking cryptically.

Hinault went on to say two road captains on teams have rarely succeeded.

“Look what that Irishman Roche did to Visentini. How about Tejay and Cadel last year?  The only way it works is when you have a lieutenant who knows his place until the bitter end. Jeff Bernard to Miguel Indurain. Did you ever hear Bernard bad-mouth Indurain or challenge him? Hell no. If I were Brailsford, I would have kept Rogers and dumped Froome. He made his Wiggo bed, and now he has to keep lying,” commented Hinault.

“This team isn’t as strong as my 1986 La Vie Claire team. How many future winners were on that squad? How many wearers of the maillot jaune? What does Sky have? Without Yates and Rogers the task might be impossible. No amount of guitar-playing will make you faster on the climbs. Team Sky will have a catastrophe on their hands at this year’s Tour,” concluded Hinault.

Froome’s comments in the press today will certainly leave the fans with tantalizing excitement for quite the British spectacle at this year’s Grand Boucle.

* * * * *

The 2012 Vuelta has been run and won. The history books will remember it as potentially being one of the finest editions in recent history. Alberto Contador was the victor, but for many cycling fans the victory will have been both entertaining as well as hollow, if only because of who ended up being the winner.

Plenty of contenders lined up for this race, and it was keenly anticipated. Chris Froome would get the opportunity to lead a team for the first time, aiming for victory. Joaquim Rodriguez would try to go one better than his Giro 2nd place, and of course Contador would make his return from a doping suspension. Alejandro Valverde would look to add more impressive results to his stage win in the Tour de France.

The beginning of the podium sorting. (Image courtesy of Cycling Weekly)

It’s worth pointing out here, before we dive in with any commentary, that the Vuelta this year was an absolute beast of a course. Far more difficult than the Tour, and the Giro also somewhat paled in comparison. With a stunning ten summit finishes, it was a course made for climbers, and one where we would normally expect to see a rider ‘bonking’ in a big way, unable to cope with the continuous demands of hard climbing with little recovery time.

In truth, what we saw was far from that, and the reality is that the climbs also saw the highest comparative wattages of all three Grand Tours this year, on a par with what we saw in 2001, an era we obviously now know to have been heavily doped. Here are the brutal figures of it, clearly in stark contrast with recent mantra of what we’d consider a ‘normal’ performance:

Rodriguez: 6.25 w/kg
Contador and Valverde: 6.15 w/kg

These figures, calculated on a French site using the averages from the five climbs over 20 minutes in this year’s race, are in stark contrast with the average wattages we saw from the victors at the other two Grand Tours this year:

Hesjedal: 5.7 w/kg
Wiggins: 5.9 w/kg

Provided those numbers are calculated consistently, there is a significant margin there that means that any of the top three would likely have won the Giro or Tour by minutes. Except we know, courtesy of Valverde, that he couldn’t produce numbers anywhere near that in France, where he finished a distant 20th, albeit with a stage victory to his name.

Remember – because this needs emphasis – this was by far the hardest race of the year, with the steepest climbs, and yet some of the power rates we observe here are made in the third week, a period where fatigue would certainly have been present.

I’ll go into why those factors are worthy of attention in a moment, but first, it’s worth having a look at those who made such a large effort, and their year in the sport.

Contador, of course, was freshly returned from what amounted to a six-month suspension – with his results of the 18 months prior to that annulled – after testing positive for clenbuterol in the 2010 Tour de France. That Contador’s case went to CAS in the first place was because of a somewhat intriguing process of investigation by Spanish authorities. Initially recommending a one-year ban, they then cleared Contador, a process both WADA and the UCI found disturbing enough to convince them to appeal the decision to CAS themselves. The process was seen as indicative of a Spanish unwillingness to investigate or prosecute doping cases involving Spanish athletes.

The suspension consequently had two effects. Contador obviously lost his results, but of more relevance was that his Vuelta preparation was enormously hampered by a lack of racing time. Contador’s only race post-suspension – and prior to the Vuelta – was the seven-stage ENECO tour in which he finished fourth. So he came into the race high on training time, but significantly under-prepared in races completed during 2012. It’s therefore fair to suggest that Contador would not have been at his peak, but would have been very familiar with the route.

Joaquim Rodriguez, in contrast, is the Spaniard upon whom the most accolades have been lauded in 2012. Second in the Giro d’Italia (winning the points jersey and two stages), first in La Flèche Wallone, and with multiple other top-ten finishes dating back to the Tour of Oman, his has been a very long season, but also his most successful. It meant he came to the Vuelta as a polar opposite of Contador: over 40 racing days completed, and for the second year in succession he was to attempt the last of two Grand Tours in a year. At 33 years of age, that’s no mean feat, and few at his age have managed to complete two Grand Tours on the podium in a calendar year.

Alejandro Valverde came to the Vuelta after an even more exhausting schedule, starting his season eight months earlier at the Tour Down Under, where he finished second. Valverde went on to ride at least 50 more days prior to the Vuelta, including the Tour de France and Olympic Games, and yet still put in one of the best performances of his career by finishing second. Had he not been involved in that famous crash during echelons in the first week, who knows if he would have been able to take the top step instead?

Chris Froome rode having completed months of exhausting racing in peak condition, as the right-hand man to Bradley Wiggins, and then on his way to collecting a bronze medal at the Olympic Games. It was probably expecting too much of him to be able to compete at the Vuelta, but after his strong showing last year – and at times looking stronger than Wiggins at the Tour – Froome’s name was right at the head of the list of contenders for the Vuelta. Of all the contenders, his performance probably best showed what should be expected of his schedule. He was promising in the first week, but ultimately his program caught up with him, and he faded, exhausted in the final week, to finish a distant fourth.

So our leading four contenders (and as it turned out, also the top four finishers) all came into the race either under-prepared, or after long and difficult goals had already been undertaken during the course of the season.

So how, then, are the year’s most extraordinary climbing numbers produced? Put into perspective, if Rodriguez had managed to do the wattages in the Giro that he displayed in Spain, Hesjedal would have been so far out of sight that his time trial would have been for cementing second place, and not remotely competing for first.

This was an outstanding race by any measure. Contador’s victory in Fuente Dé will live long in the memory for its sheer audacity, its plot hatched and executed long before the final climb, to almost universal acclaim. The three weeks had all the drama, entertainment, and panache the world longs to see at the Tour de France.

But, after the bitterly-public Armstrong events played out over the last few months, it also failed to dispel lingering questions about the sport. Make no mistake: The top two riders from the Vuelta have both been suspended for involvement in doping. The third has been around teams clearly associated with it in the past, although never sanctioned himself.

The world has just watched a man found guilty of (and suspended for) doping come back and win a Grand Tour just weeks after that suspension finished. They’re entitled to wonder if it’s genuine.

These three riders on the podium are not strangers to the sport’s ills. Fans have seen too many false dawns over the last twenty years to not raise an eyebrow when something very extraordinary occurs, and in one of the hardest races in recent memory, we have a reminder that the past is very much still here with us in the present, simply as a result of observing the identities of those undertaking such feats.

I’m not suggesting or implying that anybody is doping now. There could be a reason why they’ve struck super-human form at their home event. But over the last few months we’ve been told to put our faith in the numbers, to take into account the climbs when viewing those numbers, and the reality is that what we’ve witnessed here fails the most basic test – that of human instinct. We may have been witness to the show of a lifetime, but we must consider – was this simply the same show we’ve seen before? If the identities of those at the front haven’t changed, and the numbers aren’t lying, how can we know the culture has shifted?

Of that we can only be sure of one thing, and that is that time will be the best judge. Until then, we’ll have to wait and see if these numbers translate to equivalent gains at next year’s major events. If so, what will be the world’s determination then? Are we going backwards, or forwards?

During the run up the Peyresourde Wiggins realized he would win the Tour. “I allowed myself to drift and that was the first time I thought, ‘Maybe I’ve won the Tour today,’” said Wiggins. “Once we saw Nibali had cracked on the top of the Peyresourde, we knew we weren’t going to have the danger of him attacking in the final. At that point I knew it was pretty much over.”

Once this happened, it seems that Froome and Wiggins had some conversation on the road about Chris attacking to pull Valverde back and win the stage. In fact more than once you could see Froome actually pull away from Wiggins and then drop back. He even gestured to Brad, seeming to say, “Come on, Let’s go”! Wiggins couldn’t seem to match his accelerations though and Froome would drop his pace and allow his team leader to follow his wheel.

After the stage, Wiggins was asked about what had taken place out on the road. He said, “Chris said he wanted to go for the stage and I said yes. We weren’t too sure of the time gaps. All the way up that last climb, my concentration had gone, everything about performance had gone. Chris was egging me on to take more time and I was in another world, really.”

Afterword, Twitter lit up with complaints that Froome could have won had he been allowed to go on his own. People made mention that it looks bad for Team Sky to have Froome lose a stage he clearly could have won and that it also made Wiggins look bad, because he clearly wasn’t the strongest rider on the team.

Jonathan Vaughters tweeted:

Would have been better for Froome to just drop Wiggo by 20 seconds or whatever and settle it in the time trial. That was just humiliation.

— Jonathan Vaughters (@Vaughters) July 19, 2012

Robbie Hunter:

I don’t get why today the last 3kms they never let him go.. Wiggens I’m sure can ride 3kms alone with out having some hold his hand!

— Robbie Hunter (@RobbieHunter) July 19, 2012

UCI_Overlord said:

Well I hope Brailsford is happy with Froome’s loyalty. He sacrificed a stage victory. Wiggins is the new Hinault. Or Riis #tdf

— Not Pat McQuaid(@UCI_Overlord) July 19, 2012

Significant others of the riders made comments on Twitter also. Again.

We understand the sentiment from those gentlemen and many others. In fact, initially we felt exactly the same way. We even retweeted some of those very sentiments. Then a thought arose in our empty heads, and bounced around in there for a bit. UCI rule 2.6.026 doesn’t apply to this stage*.

Today was considered a summit finish.

Then we reread what Wiggins had said about not being sure about the gaps. This implies that radio communication may not have been the best. We’ve heard that the team cars were close enough for radio communication, but we wonder how clear it was with a mountain being climbed. Further, with riders all over the mountain, race radio was most likely having a hard time keeping up with everything going on, and updates from the time board weren’t happening.

We also thought about the way the riders were spread all up and down the road. The team cars couldn’t have been that close and Wiggins’ closest non-teammate rival, Vincenzo Nibali, was only 2:23 behind him in the overall standings. Had Froome ridden away, and a crash, flat or a mechanical had happened, it could have been catastrophic for Wiggins despite being so close to the finish. The team cars could have taken much longer than two minutes to get to Brad. We had a demonstration of that recently on stage 14 when Cadel Evans had to stand around on the side of the road twiddling his thumbs while he waited for Jim Ochowicz to quit falling down in the ditch and change his rear wheel.

Last but not least, Froome and Wiggins discussed Froome going on to catch Valverde and win the stage. Froome pulled away from Wiggins easily the first time. It wasn’t even a hard acceleration, he just pushed on the pedals harder and Wiggins went backwards. Chris Frändy’d over his shoulder and seemed to say something to Brad. Brad didn’t respond. This lack of response seemed to get Chris’ attention. He dropped back and he and Wiggins seemed to have a few words. Then he put Wiggins back on his wheel and started pulling. Soon he hit the gas a little harder to try and put time into Valverde and Brad dropped straight away again. This must have been a surprise to Froome. Not long before, Wiggins himself had gone to the front to pull and had seemed strong. Now all of the sudden he can’t climb? Even when the accelerations are mild?  We remembered what Brad had said at the end of the stage, “All the way up that last climb, my concentration had gone, everything about performance had gone.”

With all of these things combined, it seems Froome made a decision. In a short period of time he determined the following.

1. It was a mountain-top finish, the 3 km rule didn’t apply.
2. Team cars were some were back on the mountain, but so was Nibali.
3. A crash, flat or mechanical would be disastrous to his leader.
4. They didn’t know the gaps.
5. Nibali was much closer than the team cars or teammates.
6. Brad Wiggins was in la-la land, dreaming of standing on the podium in Paris.
7. He had to pace his leader to the finish.

Chris Froome proved not only what a great teammate he is but also how smart he is. He made a snap decision and sacrificed a stage win today, and over all he probably sacrificed winning the TdF this year. We hope Team Sky and in particular Brad Wiggins remember this next year. This is the second time Chris Froome has given up the big prize for a teammate. He needs to be rewarded for his unselfish behavior, amazing work ethic and his dedication to his team. If Sky can’t do it, we sure hope some other team takes him and wins.

* * * * *

*UCI rule 2.6.026 is as follows;

In the event that a rider or riders suffer a fall, puncture or mechanical incident in the last 3 kilometres and such an incident is duly recognised, the rider or riders involved are credited with the same finishing time of the rider or riders they were with at the time of the incident.

They are attributed this ranking only upon crossing the finish line. If after a fall, it is impossible for a rider to cross the finish line, he is given the ranking of last in the stage and credited with the time of the rider or riders he was with at the time of the incident. For exceptional cases, the decision taken by the stewards committee is final.

This measure does not apply to:

• team time trials or individual time trials or summit finishes.