French Models are upset by excessively thin cyclists ruining their reputation (image courtesy cosmopolitan.co.uk)

“In their quest to be as lean as possible, professional cyclists have encroached upon the working territory of our modeling constituents. Being excessively skinny and gaunt is their professional domain, and the efforts by these bike riders have jeopardised the reputation of models worldwide,” stated a representative of the legal firm representing FMU.

It seems FMU is taking exception to the current crop of super-thin cyclists sporting a look that fashion models have cultivated over the past 70 years. The fashion industry has been notorious for its drug use, eating disorders, lack of hygiene, and use of any means necessary to stay thin without actually exercising.

“This has been our modus operandi for decades. Now, the professional cycling peloton is taking our carefully cultivated approach and copying our methodology, but with one additional, damaging aspect. They go out and ride 230 kilometres on a bicycle as fast as they can. This is a complete affront to our je ne sais quois,” stated the lawyer representing FMU.

The group cited examples of Vacansoleil’s Lieuwe Westra, OmegaPharma-Quickstep’s Michael Kwiatowski, and the entire Team Sky entourage.

“We can appreciate a model’s desire to be rail-thin, because that’s when the clothes look their best. A mannequin should be the hanger that showcases the ensemble and nothing more. This is de rigeur in the fashion industry, but this is not what cyclists should look like. The last time we saw gauntness and lycra together, it was the disastrous runway collection by Stephen Sprouse that riffed on cycling gear.
 

The notorious Stephen Sprouse collection that is best forgotten

The lawsuit is asking French courts to set minimum-weight-to-height ratio limits on the professional peloton in order to ensure that CPA members not infringe on the reputation of the fashion industry. It is also asking all riders participating in the Tour de France to maintain at least 5% body fat.

Karl Lagerfeld, one of the more prominent supporters of the lawsuit noted, “We have to look out for the reputation of our industry, and preserve the valuable identity we have established. We can’t have people expecting our models to do more than walk down a runway. If professional cyclists are permitted to be excessively thin and also athletic, the general public will begin to expect more from us,” stated the disturbingly-thin Chanel designer from a chaise longue in his Paris atelier.

An unnamed source inside the Team Sky camp was incensed by the move.

“This is absolutely ridiculous. We are free to be as thin as we want. So what if all our riders look like an army of praying mantises when they head to the front of the race and slam the rest of the peloton to pieces while being just skin and bones.  We are allowed to suffer from anorexia, bulimia, and excessive drug use just like the birds in the fashion model industry,” commented the anonymous Team Sky representative.

Cycling pundits around the globe welcomed the lawsuit.

“Frankly I think this whole skinny movement is utterly preposterous. It makes it difficult to photograph the podium ceremony when they turn sideways to wave. They disappear into the background completely. This whole thin thing should be left to marathoners only. And fashion models. We need to bring back the beefcake era. Please. I just am tired of photographing these waifs. If I wanted that, I would have been in Milano for fashion week,” commented one cycling photographer who may or may not have been from Bettini Photography.

The FMU representative concurred. “These specimens on bikes should not try to copy the ‘heroin chicness’ of our clients, but rather should exude strength and power, like Fabian Cancellara, Cadel Evans, Mark Cavendish, or even Pippo Pozzato. These are all strong and virile men with striking chests and thick muscular thighs, especially Pozzato,” murmured the FMU representative dreamily.

CPA representative Gianni Bugno wasn’t available for comment. However, AIGCP-president-under-duress Jonathan Vaughters was happy to supply a soundbite.

“My team has a distinct ‘no insect look’ clause in all our contracts,” stated Vaughters.

The CPA has ten days to file a defense, or faces possible injunctions against the professional peloton as requested by the FMU.

The pack with Manuel Quinziato of Italy, left, and Andy Schleck of Luxembourg. The SchleckChute™ failed to deploy moments after this climb. (AP Photo/Peter Dejong)

“I’m not sure what happened. I saw Cadel Evans pull his chute and exit the race, and so I thought it was a good time to do the same. But for some reason, my rip cord wouldn’t activate. It’s terrible. I was forced to finish a race,” commented a visibly agitated Schleck.

Team management consultant and 9-time Tour de France winner Johan Bruyneel was ranting and raving to anyone within earshot about the failure of chute deployment.

“Unbelievable. We partnered with Trek for the SchleckChute™ based on their track record with their bicycle products. They promised us no issues. After several races where the product worked, it fails when we needed it the most. We need at least eight DNFs for Andy in order for him to properly prepare for his Tour de France victory in July,” declared Bruyneel.

When contacted for comment, Trek marketing representative Gary Fisher was fairly blunt in his assessment of the situation. Fisher noted Trek’s commitment to product advancement, quality control, and a stellar reputation dating back decades. While he refused to speculate, Fisher did note Schleck’s history of issues with mechanical failures.

“Look, we all know Andy is mechanically challenged. He cross-shifted in one of the most important moments of his career and watched Contador ride off with his Tour victory. Even though he did get that one back, still, his reputation for equipment mishandling is legendary,” commented Fisher.

Upon further digging, it was discovered, in fact, that “operator error” was the more likely reason for the SchleckChute™ deployment failure, resulting in Schleck’s 91st place finish on Sunday.  Representatives from Team Argos-Shimano confirmed overhearing a conversation between Team RadioShack-Nissan mechanics and team director Kim Andersen where Andersen told said mechanics to “blame the equipment again.”

Team RadioShack-Nissan representatives refused to comment on the rumor, but have confirmed that Trek ensured the SchleckChute™ will not have any more failures for Schleck at future races leading up to his Tour de France bid in July.

Cavendish, Contador, and Evans at the Tour unveiling. (photo courtesy of AFP via cyclingnews.com)

“We are sorry that our exorbitant salaries were averaged in to the UCI’s figures to completely misrepresent what is truly happening with wages in the professional peloton. We feel that the governing body of the sport has purposefully pitted the ‘haves’ against the ‘have nots’ in order to prevent us from forming a union that would protect the interests of all in the sport,” declared the three superstars of cycling at a joint press conference in Monaco.

In fact, according to our sources inside the UCI, when you average the salaries of the peloton after factoring out earnings of the top and bottom 50 athletes, the salary figure barely approaches 100,000 euros. One Pro-Continental rider, speaking to Cyclismas on the basis of anonymity, stated that he was the top earner on his team at the equivalent of 80,000 euros. He also stated that the situation wasn’t any different at the WorldTour level, except for the “lucky two or three” stars on each of those teams.

The UCI was quick to jump on the challenge issued by the superstars of the sport.

“If we want to grow cycling and make more money, these idiots have to play by our rules. Sure, most of the peloton actually only makes a quarter of the stated average, but we’re all about giving them something to aspire to. What’s wrong with dangling the carrot? If the grist for the peloton mill – or domestiques, as we call them – has a problem with the 1% who are making too much money, that’s just too fooking bad,” responded UCI president Pat McQuaid.

Gerard Vroomen, former owner of Cervelo, has offered his assistance to the pro peloton to combat what he calls, “exponential unstainable growth in cycling revenue.”

“After spending time with my former partner [Phil White], I became familiar with his hero, David Suzuki, the Canadian environmental crusader. His concept of exponential growth is pretty much on the money, and we need to create a ‘plateau’ for cycling, rather than this ridiculous growth model. McQuaid and the UCI have knocked our sport out of equilibrium,” stated Vroomen via phone.

When asked if he was going to run against McQuaid during the next UCI election, Vroomen was terse, “I think a trained monkey would do less damage to cycling than McQuaid has. I mean, what kind of sport do we have when teams are given regular cars instead of estate cars at races in Malaysia? How do you get raincoats out of the boot at 110 kms per hour? I just may run against him.”

Former professional cyclist and French TV pundit Jean-Francois Bernard offered his professional opinion on the subject, “This so-called ‘average annual salary’ could feed a small Spanish village for a year.”

Contador, Evans, and Cavendish are considering donating 60% of their earnings to the formation of a riders union, whose first order of business would be to establish a salary cap and also a team spending cap.

It remains to be seen if the three amigos will be inspired to invoke Zapata and lead the pro peloton to strike for fair wages following their viewing of Ocean’s 13 at Thor Hushovd’s Monaco enclave during his annual classics season kick-off party.

Crowd sourcing comes to cycling (photo courtesy of Team Traveller)

Worst Five Things of the Week

Numero Cinco

CONI Requests four-year ban for Savio

So the criminal courts clear Gianni Savio from any wrongdoing. Savio has proof of no wrongdoing. However, it seems that CONI feels that he’s done something wrong in reference to the case, and has asked for a four-year ban? If I were Holczer, Vaughters, Bruyneel, or any other manager, I would look upon this development with alarm. Holding managers responsible for members of their team doping? That’s preposterous and completely ridiculous.

Numero Cuatro

Klöden declares WINNING is more important than family

Well, it seems that Andreas Klöden’s trek to the dark side of the force is complete. Eschewing the notion that a happy family is a vital component to a long and stress-free life, Klöden has basically declared that the brothers Schleck need to forget any familial allegiances to achieve greater professional gain. Of course, this sort of selling-your-soul-to-feed-your-own-selfishly-egoistical pursuits is really nothing new for Klöden. And it’s unfortunate that Becca and crew have failed to realize the marketing potential of having the first brother act on the podium at the Tour De France.

Numero Tres

No Place for Alexandr Kolobnev with Katusha in 2012

So once again it’s shown that it never pays to fall on your sword for your team, for your countrymen, or for one-day allegiances. Seems that Kolobnev has been told there’s no room at the Katusha table for him. Shocking. Funny how one guy just seems to have bad luck follow him at every turn. Maybe he should call Floyd Landis for pointers on the next steps to take.

Numero Dos

AFLD ends disciplinary action against Jeannie Longo

What a fooking disaster this is. I blame the Spanish. They started it. Oh wait! Or was it the Italians? No, maybe the Russians. Ah well, at least the Americans still believe in crime and punishment for the guilty, i.e., the end user.

Numero Uno

Vino Vino Vino

Quit being cheap. With the advent of social media platforms, everyone thinks that they don’t need PR people anymore. Guess what? Some people really should turn their PR statements over to someone else to release. Like Vino. Facebook? really? With unfortunate and questionable English usage? Sigh… Even I have an editor for my pieces. Yes, even yours truly isn’t fooking perfect. What? Sorry? Yes, yes, I’ll put the curtain back up. *chuckle*

Best Five Things of the Week

Number Five

Dan Lloyd speaks his mind on leaving Garmin

Why is it that almost every single person who leaves Garmin has nothing nice to say about their experience with the team? Lloyd, Lowe, Hushovd are just three of the latest examples of this. In fact, Lowe actually filed a complaint with the UCI back in June or so. But more on that down the road. Good for Lloyd speaking out, which led to quite an interesting Twitter debate between Shane Stokes of Velonation and Garmin poohbah Jonathan Vaughters, leading to a public apology by JV. Yet, Lionel Birnie just HAD to get his two cents in on it as well. Plus, the Twitter masses lining up to either support or skewer Mr. Vaughters made for an entertaining weekend on the social media platform.

Number Four

James Stout begins a crowdsourcing fund for a cycling team

I’m a big admirer of this lad. First off, he made the decision to leave a full racing calendar in the States to return home to Europe for health reasons after his employer withheld agreed-upon medication necessary to control his Type 1 diabetes. Second, he was unwilling to be “dissuaded” from revealing his unfortunate experiences, and chose to be publicly forthcoming in speaking out about the mistreatment he received. Thirdly, he resisted the temptation to turn his back on the sport, and chose instead to race for a new cycling team, Team Traveller, beginning in June. Now the lad would like to make Team Traveller a haven for those in pro-cycling who have received a raw deal from other teams. I predict a bright future for Stout. Take the time to support his initiative.

Number Three

Evans given vintage Cadillac Coupe as reward for Tour success

What makes this story one of the best of the week is the fact that the Caddy wasn’t a gift from BMC team owner Andy Rihs, but rather from rival WorldTour team owner Gerry Ryan of GreenEDGE. Ryan, is, of course, a fellow countryman to Evans and one really can’t fault his nationalistic largesse to the first Aussie Tour winner. But is this really permissible under UCI WorldTour rules? Absolutely, as we aren’t playing college-level American sports here. The question remains, however, if this could be construed as down payment for a future contract with GreenEDGE. I wonder what the current members of GREENedge have to say about the gift? Reminds me of the Jean-Francois Bernard/Bernard Tapie Porsche debacle.

Number Two

There’s new energy coming into women’s cycling

I’m very thrilled to see Lululemon getting involved in women’s cycling. I’m also very thrilled to see Kristy Scrymgeour move up to the team manager role for the Specialized-Lululemon squad. Here’s hoping this might cause the men’s side to re-examine to whom they pitch sponsorship opportunities, as Lululemon is a solid fit for this aspect of the sport. Those who have been around the team say the energy is overwhelming positive, which should translate into a very successful year for the team.

Number One

Pat McQuaid 2011 Round Up

I am thrilled at the development of the UCI YouTube Propaganda Network. It’s an outstanding way for the organization to disseminate the message directly to the masses. If you say something over and over again, not only will you start to believe it, but the ballyhoo may actually cause the general public and the media to begin to believe as well. It looks like I may have to pull strings at The Guardian, SkyNews, Velonation, Cycling Weekly, and Cyclingnews, though and put some better puppets in place to properly pass on my platitudes without inserting some fooking subjective knife twists pointing out how many holes my propaganda truly has. I’m picking up the phone, you hacks. Be forewarned. *chuckle*

Bernard Hinault stands on his tippy toes to stay in the shot with Yannick Noah

Noah, whose presence was contractually required as part of his spokesperson gig for jersey supplier and major Tour de France sponsor, Le Coq Sportif, was rather surprised and bemused by the fact that anyone found relevance in the sport of cycling. Considering the vast majority of the French country used the month of July as an excuse to escape to Mediterranean coastal areas of Europe, “Tonton” Noah found the popularity of the Tour de France somewhat mystifying.

“It’s quite a spectacle to see our country invaded by Yanks, Brits, Norwegians, and those ridiculous Dutchies during July,” commented Noah, “I mean, the bicycle is great for getting groceries, but it doesn’t have the drama of Formula 1 racing or showcase the skills required in superior pursuits like tennis.”

When told that the Tour de France is one of the most popular televised sporting events on in the world, Noah was rather surprised but upon further reflection commented, “Well considering the fact that golf is considered a spectator sport for television, maybe cycling being popular isn’t much of a stretch.”

Noah offered his assessment of the Schleck brothers, Andy and Frank, based upon the recent viewing of their appearance on “Ushi & the Family” for Dutch TV channel RTL.

“One appears to walk funny, the other is the brother. They’re too skinny, and frankly, in the grand scheme of all things European, they are a minor irrelevance popular only in a country of 500,000 inhabitants [referring to Luxembourg],” declared the tennis legend.

When asked if he has ever ridden a bicycle, Noah smiling slyly, noted, “There are other, far more important pursuits when it comes to the term riding.”

Noah spent the remainder of the presentation in the rear anteroom catching up on his favorite cooking shows via Apple TV.

Feeling a wee underdressed, Cav? (REUTERS/Charles Platiau)

When asked why only one of his superstars was present for the route introduction, Team Sky impresario Dave Brailsford didn’t mince words.

“You’ll have to ask Brad the reason for that. I’m not in the mood to play your petty f***ing rivalry games when they obviously aren’t going to be a problem for this phenomenal team to win all the major jerseys at the Tour next year,” fumed Brailsford.

Cavendish, whose attire was as inappropriate as his tweets about the presentation, broadcast a few cracks to his followers about epilepsy sufferers and the blind – a blatant reference to the platoon of press photographers and Cadel Evans’ wardrobe.

The Manx Missile then commenced alternating phone calls between his longtime girlfriend, Peta, and his newest boyfriend, Bernard Eisel, eschewing the rest of the “mundane” pomp and circumstance.

When approached for comment on the route for 2012 by several of the journalists in attendance, Cavendish elected instead to treat them to his patented withering glare, but then offered to read from a prepared statement filled with telling Freudian slips.

“The Green Jersey competition is by far the most important competition in the Tour de France. The days of the impertinence [Ed. note: importance] of the yellow jersey are over. No one really cares about these ridiculous climbers turning around and looking at each other every 20 seconds,” declared Cavendish.

Buoyed by the cluster of cameras and microphones, Cavendish continued, “I think the fact that I’m standing here talking to you, and someone else is not, should tell you who is going to win the internal battle.”

When later contacted to comment for this story, a “vacationing” Bradley Wiggins reluctantly pulled himself away from an all-you-can-eat Italian buffet in efforts to replenish an emaciated Vuelta physique. He offered up this counter to the first bow shots fired by the Manxman:

“Look, I’m more interested in what’s on Coronation Street than what flows from the mouth of that fat prat.  Maybe if he stopped mowing down every pastry stand in Europe he wouldn’t need a tow up the mountains at every Grand Tour,” retorted Wiggins. “After all, if he thinks he’s going to have a go at anything next year he’ll have ask permission from the GC Boy Mafia here at Sky.”

Wiggins concluded that GC Boy Mafia approval for a Tour de France Green Jersey attempt by Cavendish would happen when Jacques Anquetil won another Grand Tour.

GC Boy Mafia lieutenant Chris Froome also weighed in on the Cavendish situation, “I’m very concerned that having the Wiggo and the Fatman on the same team could result in an epic struggle for sustenance, which could inadvertently damage my opportunities in the long run, especially if I have to nurse the both of ’em over the climbs.”

Industry insider Richard Moore confirmed that the union of Cavendish and Wiggins under one banner could result in the same issue that plagued Morrissey and Johnny Marr during their first North American tour during their mercurial Smiths project.

“Having a double-dose of epic ‘sullenocity’ and monumental narcissism in the same sphere of influence could be an absolute windfall for rival teams. I expect a major implosion prior to Paris-Roubaix,” mused Moore.

Wiggo and the Fatman (Photo: PA)

Somewhere along the way, some of the comments began to strike a chord with many behind the Swiss curtain that is professional cycling. Many of those who are professional riders, support staff, team owners, team managers, journalists, pundits, and avid fans began sending me important information about corruption at the UCI level, the federation level, and the team level to truly show what those in this sport are up against when all they want to do is ride their bike fast and have a good support group help them accomplish their goals.

My real life job affords me travel around various parts of the world, and sometimes allows me to interact with individuals within the sport, meeting face-to-face to truly understand what they are up against in order to get those bicycles on the road. I’ve had numerous phone calls, skype chats, facebook chats, DMs, with those who are considered to be influential in the sport. I am not paid to do this, and in spite of some organizations asking me to be paid to do this “commentary” I’ve resisted and will continue to resist as I feel it’s important to maintain editorial neutrality when discussing what is occurring.

Some people over the past year have attempted to take pot shots as they feel that I have some sort of agenda that hasn’t been revealed. Of course, many have discovered it is tough to take pot shots at someone who is after transparency in the sport from the governance level to the rider level. My “agenda” is one of inclusion for all in the conversation of cycling, rather than exclusion of some to the benefit of the very few. This agenda includes traditional journalists whom I have given information so they may fill in the gaps to many of their stories, as well as to bloggers, the twitterati, and hopefully to the general cycling community.

Many people have sent me emails or messages saying how the jokes or scenarios that I write about are very close to the reality in the sport, or somehow manage to end up being the truth that is uncovered weeks or months after the Dispatch has been written. That’s because mostly everything that is written is based upon true events, relayed to me by insiders in the sport who wish to remain anonymous. I do have to change the circumstance in many cases to protect those who have provided the “leak.” In some cases, the Dispatch contains the entire truth that is to be revealed at a later date publicly by those directly involved.

Our sport is a symptom of the greater malaise in our society. Our society is an overall reflection of those who disseminate their attitudes from the top that are filtered down through the layers of every corporation, sporting governance body, cycling team, or even the local retail store with which you do business.  When you have someone at the top of these organizations – be it the IOC, FIFA, UCI, SportAccord or the like –  who uses their influence for greater personal gain, or takes advantage of or perverts the rules, charters, or mission to benefit those of their choosing (or bend to their whims), it creates an empty feeling in our stomach, reminding us that we are insignificant and cannot make an impact.

There are reasons why the general population looks with satisfaction at companies that take care of their employees: those that are never in the news for massive layoffs during economic tough times; the ones that never look to “merge” to save their own skin while laying off “superfluous” support staff due to the contraction; the ones who do not give up on sponsor searches just because they want one golden sponsor instead of working harder to gain four or five that could do the same job; the ones who ask their staff what improvements can be made on behalf of their “customer” rather than care about the shareholder return only.

We see these examples in cycling – there are teams that we “cheer” for because you see the positive atmosphere from the top down. We see the athletes who show real enthusiasm when they win. These athletes make the effort to congratulate everyone who helped in the win. This same feeling goes to supporting those companies that provide the products for the sport that speak from a genuine enthusiasm as well, from folks like Campagnolo who still have their production in Italy, to Rapha, a firm affectionately parodied for their slick marketing efforts – but with beautiful and functional products from the heart, or to bicycle manufacturers like Look who refuse to succumb to mass-produced Asian carbon frames for the cycling masses.

We see this at the races this year, where folks like Brad Wiggins go out of their way to congratulate gents like a beaming Cobo who slogged out a Sky two-punch for a Grand Tour win. We poke fun at the camaraderie that is Andy Schleck and Alberto Contador who duke it out on the bikes, and yet joke with each other like brothers off. We see it when an entire cycling community rallies around the tragic deaths that have occurred this year, or when one of our own (whom many of us have even never met) is diagnosed with cancer and we rally to give him support.

John Galloway, who is known as @sofaboy on twitter, is the reason why I’m here and doing what I’m doing. He’s the one who inspired me to take the challenge beyond the twitter drivel and try to make a difference in 1000 words or fewer; this quickly ballooned to 1200 words, and then sometimes up to 1400 words. Thank Christ for editors like @cycletard who help me try to tame the madness. Galloway is also the reason why this Dispatch is a departure from the usual mucky muck to something a little more direct and stripped down.  He made some very interesting comments in his blog yesterday, that triggered this Dispatch.

You see, John’s right. There has been a shift in cycling in spite of those attempting to control it from above. The sport is cleaner. The performances are more believable. This is not due to some edict from the UCI, but a shift in attitudes by those coming up in the ranks of the sport who watched their heroes die from doping complications, or deal with the emotional skeletons associated with doping.  Unless you are a total sociopath (naming zero names), there is a guilt trigger that kicks in once you begin “breaking the rules” that manifests itself either in behaviour, or addictions, or other coping mechanisms. No matter how much those in power wish to root out this response from the athlete, it’s impossible, unless you turn them into – as Neil Browne joked last week – Zombies.

However, this movement towards a cleaner sport is in spite of the attempts by the UCI to wrest total control away from the various stakeholders throughout the world of cycling. This isn’t some insiduous “Galactic Empire” plan by Hein Verbruggen and Pat McQuaid with designs on a “Death Star” to destroy all that oppose them. After all, in some bizarre fashion they truly do believe they are doing what is best for the sport – consolidation and control. Unfortunately, they have this attitude of “what’s in it for me,” which is the reason why we have some of these strange happenings that counter the aim, rules, and directives of the governing body. Read my past Dispatches here on Cyclismas for more specifics on that.

Consolidation and control means that they who make the rules feel that they are superior to those who are subjected to the rules. Therefore, less transparency means more control, fewer questions, and a “superior” sporting experience. It’s this sort of attitude that has killed many teams in the sport, and many manufacturers in the sport, and many races. When you focus on the end result rather than the process that achieves the end result, you end up with the wrong end result.

It is time to focus the attention away from the athletes, and stop wondering if they’re clean or dirty. Give them support instead scepticism. Instead, focus your questions on the governing body that seems to be at the centre of almost every controversy, not because they are the governing body, but because their fingerprints are all over whatever carcass happens to be offered up to the mainstream media.

The more we shine the light where it belongs, the more comfortable those who have suffered in silence will feel able to come forward and tell their stories. Lord knows they need to keep coming in an avalanche.

Question authority. It may be uncomfortable at first, but you’ll be rewarded with the results.

Unfortunately, I’m about to take a stance that may anger some of these folks, and some of the crusaders that expend great energy and talent to write what they do.

This week, I was reminded by an oaf based out of Bristol, Connecticut, that the cycling galaxy is a small piece of a greater universe. In fact, it might be considered Earth-sized in comparison to the general universe of sport. I think many have already covered the ground more than adequately on this issue, and have done so more eloquently than I probably could. While I’m at it, kudos to @neilroad, @UCI_Overlord, @cycletard, and @Velocentric for their involvment in highlighting this issue, and @bikezilla1 for doing what he does, right Tommy boy? (Note: thank you to @Ciclirati and @TdFLanterne for their amazing work on this – join our team!)

I was reminded this week that somewhere along the way, we as a society have lost the ability to have a difference of opinion while maintaining mutal respect. Call it the O’Reilly factor, or the shock radio factor, but we have developed this ability to judge, and to then peddle this influence to the greater society in general as FACT. This is wrong.

After observing twitter, the forums, and the Tour de France chat rooms, I had this nagging opinion that we in the cycling community have become no better than Michael Smith of ESPN when it comes to doping in our sport. I watched my ticker as person after person began to attack a variety of professional cyclists with innuendo upon innuendo. Even the hero Hoogerland couldn’t escape criticism as many pointed to his lack of popularity in the peloton, and to his former nickname.

Guess what, folks? Performance-enhancing drugs and the mercenary nature of professional sport is synonymous. Every sport has some sort of issue in this respect – Football and steriods; Hockey and sudafed; we know baseball’s issues; and soccer, too, has its myriad of doping challenges that run similar to cycling.

I am a football fan. I’ve seen pretty much every football movie out there, but the three that stick in my mind the most are (in no particular order): On Any Given Sunday, The Last Boy Scout, and Varsity Blues. All three play a part in my perception of drugs in sport.

Varsity Blues documents the win-at-all costs attitude that is reflected in our society. Coaches drug up players for the championship, for the win, not for the players’ benefit, but to feed the ego of the coach –his bronze-statued reputational folklore. The hero of the movie implores the star running back not to shoot up his knee – take the hard stand and sit out the second half.

The other two films talk about the seedy/dark side of football. The thing about all three of these films is that this art does, in fact imitate life.

Discussed in one online forum today was the fact that “athletes” have been doping since the beginning of time. One forum participant went so far as to say that Greek athletes ate sheep’s balls to enhance their performance. And another individual in that forum also asked what was the difference between the cokehead advertising executive who wanted the million dollar account from the athlete who wants the extra edge to keep his place in the professional peloton?

Nothing.

Many conversations with those who write within these internet pages have led me to the conclusion that we are prosecuting the wrong individuals in cycling when it comes to doping issues. EPO doesn’t mean that all of a sudden a couch potato can rise up and win the Tour. No, most of the professional athletes are the victims of an abusive relationship with a team owner/coach/business manager or other such potential leeches. They will still have the unbelievable performances, but maybe at a slightly slower speed.

Today’s stage should have demonstrated to many that there is a change in the peloton; the performances are becoming less super-human, and more fragile. Kreuziger didn’t ride off to a stage win, nor did Gilbert gap the lead pack. Neither did Basso decimate the field, but he did a pretty good job with Smzyd to thin out the herd. Just because a BMC soigneur was busted leading up to the Tour doesn’t mean that the BMC team, including Cadel, is dirty.

In fact, it could mean that someone paid off the soigneur to get busted to mess with Evans, knowing that he was the favorite. Yeah, that’s a bit ridiculous, but no more ridiculous than some of the theories that were flying around the twitter universe earlier today.

Folks, doping will be a part of society at large until we decide individually and collectively to rely on our own abilities rather than on stimulants and assistance to make performances “easier.” Maybe it is best to push aside that nagging doubt and enjoy the amazing win of Sanchez today, and the fact that Voeckler hung onto the lead on Bastille Day. However, I firmly believe that this will not occur until society at large gives up cigarettes. Yeah right.

After all, we are just as much to blame for athletes doping as Jon Voigt in Varsity Blues – our collective adulation allows those bottom feeders the ability to take advantage of our star people, and contributes to the callous attitude that we have towards our fellow human beings.

So my advice? Quit judging until you have a reason to judge. In the meantime, enjoy the spectacle that is the greatest event of the greatest sport on our planet.