Bruyneel and Och at Tirreno. Bruyneel attempts to show Och the Breakaway League "Pie in the Sky" numbers (photo courtesy C. Selden/Pez Cycling News)

The team’s independent-management-consultant Johan Bruyneel was quick to draw attention away from not only the dismal performances on the bike, but also the catastrophic loss of RadioShack corporate cycling cheerleader, Lee Applbaum. Applbaum, an armchair cycling fanatic and recently-indoctrinated TrainRight™ Chris Carmichael client, was released this past week from his position as executive vice president and chief marketing officer for the electronics retailer.

Bruyneel established the smokescreen with the clandestine release of breakaway league information via Bloomberg on Friday, two months after the first leak barely garnered a reaction out of his chief opponent, the UCI.

Breakaway league experts within the sport refused to comment directly on the article. However, noted breakaway league opponent Marc Madiot was keen to share his thoughts.

“Look, this is atrociously ridiculous. This quote unquote “league” is doomed to fail. Eight out of 40 teams are in agreement? Verbruggen is called in to broker a peace deal? British experts from Coventry commenting on money raised? This is a JV slash Bruyneel plot of jealousy because they aren’t French, Italian or Spanish. Their countries lack the panache to hold real grand tours so they want to ruin ours,” declared Madiot. He energetically continued, “Where was their support when I proposed a real union for the riders? Nowhere. They’re greedy. They just want the money. Nothing more. Nothing less.”

Noted cycling historian David Harmon was quick to lay judgement on the potential success of the breakaway league concept, “If these gentlemen want a circuit, then they should invest in Revolution UK and leave the road business to the organizers and the riders. Too many cooks are in the kitchen ruining the soup.”

When asked about the smokescreen to draw attention away from the string of failures on his part, Bruyneel was typically fired up.

“All you journalists are ridiculous. I am the master cycling tactician. How else can you explain having a 40-year old American almost win Tirreno? I plan to remake cycling with a properly-regimented business plan – simple, easy to follow, with plenty of money in my pocket – that works best for those sponsors investing. If it works for Pat (UCI president Pat McQuaid) then it should work for us,” stated Bruyneel.

When asked who was representing the rider’s voice in the negotiations, Bruyneel was dumbstruck, “Riders? Why should they have a say? They follow what I do. That is all. Just like Horner. He almost won Tirreno. Did you see his almost win? ”

It remains to be seen if this smokescreen will be able to distract the public from Team RadioShack-Nissan’s string of failures, from Jens Voigt’s apparent battle with his own DS – which cost him a stage win at Paris-Nice – to handing the leadership at Tirreno to an aging American who clearly struggled in the race of truth.

Catholic support for cycling is well known (photo courtesy of Jeff Gross, Getty Images North America)

“We felt that because of the lack of professionalism exuded by this motley cast of characters in cycling – the AIGCP, the UCI, the Gifted Group, certain team owners, and existing sponsors – it was time to partner with an organization that values secrecy and discretion. We’re proud to announce our alliance with the Roman Catholic Church to spread the gospel of cycling,” declared a reserved David de Rothschild, chairman of the Rothschild Group.

While Rothschild went to great verbal lengths to outline his reasoning for the shift in direction, Freud Communications prepared a Cliff Notes version for the benefit of the press. The details of Rothschild’s grievances with their former partners were as follows:

• Premature discussions with race organizers
• Discussions with non-partner organizations leading to leaks
• Public conversations in social media platforms with the “unwashed masses”
• Confrontational approach to the governing agencies, potentially leading to civil war
• Alienation of potential sponsors due to the inclusion of key individuals with dubious connections

Freud went on to discuss the strategic merits of a partnership with the Vatican. “In these dark times, a return to our spiritual roots is an important step to save humanity from itself. We feel that a union between private enterprise, modern medical techniques, our spiritual id, a discerning fan base, and a compliant pool of athletes makes for a new pentaverate of possibilities,” relayed Freud.

Rothschild feels that the partnership would eliminate the corruption and collusion that exists in the sport today.

“The Church will function as a superior entity to oversee the sport, instead of governing bodies that operate on a for-profit basis. The private enterprise end of the operation will be led by the Rothschild Group, to ensure existing race organizers are included the new hierarchy,” stated Rothschild. “However, the governing body oversight of the UCI will be redirected to fall under the umbrella of the Church. Now, they will have to answer to the ultimate authority of right and wrong.”

Rothschild concluded the press conference by stating his desire to desire to continue their proven track record of influence in F1 and soccer, first to cycling, and then beyond to other sport on other continents in 2015 and beyond.

“We cannot think of a better partner than the most influential religious institution on the planet to help us achieve our aims in the pursuit of a higher consciousness in all sports.”

UCI President Pat McQuaid was non-committal regarding the new development. “We’ll see how this transpires. I look forward to meeting with the Pope to discuss his vision on their proposed role for the UCI.”

Jonathan Vaughters, a former partner in the original breakaway league, was confused by the announcement. “Hey! I was told to share the information, I don’t understand what just happened.”

William Fotheringham, cycling pundit, facial hair advocate, and website logo owner, offered his analysis on the proposal, “I stopped caring about pro cycling two weeks ago.”

Beyond the limited details in the presentation from Freud Communications, the only additional information that was released by Rothschild today was the new name for cycling, Pentaverate Cycling. Rothschild also stated that there were plans for all disciplines in the sport, to be released at a later date.