In an unprecedented move, the International Cycling Union (UCI), announced today that they will form the Gran Fondo de l’Union Internationale, which will govern the sport of Gran Fondo going forward. UCI President, Pat McQuaid, stated in a press release that his brother Darach would be assuming control of the new organization immediately. “I feel that Darach will be a great fit to manage at this level of the sport, and besides, it will keep him from moving into my basement if I keep him employed.”
In response to concerns from promoters that Gran Fondos are designed to be more casual affairs than bike races and therefore don’t need governance, McQuaid added that “They need governance, and just like the ProTour, we are the best to judge how to implement that governance. It’s all about the Gran Fondo’s global reach.”
Darach’s first order of business was to announce that they will be banning Jan Ullrich from Gran Fondos until August 2013. All results he accumulated before the 2005 season will also be nullified. In an unprecedented move, they also are removing his result from the race where he was discovered as a school boy in Berlin. As an 11 year-old, he often won the race to the lunch cart at recess. These races will now be awarded to another racer, only known as “The Other Fat Kid.” This early foreshadowing was a clue that, in spite of his natural talent, Ullrich’s tendency to overindulge on Nutella and Gummi Bears would plague him for much of his pro career.
McQuaid indicated that the next task of the UCI would be to bring the World Triathlon Corporation into line since the International Triathlon Union, UTI, has had no luck bringing Ironman under an international governing body. “We want to be the organization that you think of when you see a bike ride by. Cycling, triathlon, we are even looking at postal carriers and children on their way to school. They could all use governance, a radio ban and a globalization strategy.”