After amazing performances in the Sprint final on Sunday and Keirin final on Saturday where Sir Chris Hoy nabbed two gold medals at the Track World Cup, “the Real McHoy” was madly hugged and greeted by UCI Management Committee member Brian Cookson, who declared that the champ should run for UCI president.
“Nevermind that kid from the Isle of Man, this knight of the realm is the real deal. He is the savior for worldwide cycling. I declare that Sir Chris Hoy will challenge Pat McQuaid for the UCI presidency after his victorious Olympics,” a visibly excited Cookson managed to spit out.
When pressed on the subject, Cookson was open regarding his disdain for the current management of the sport.
“Look, I sit on this ridiculous committee that might as well be 14 stones sitting around a boardroom with the biggest rock McQuaid at the head of the table. Do we get an opinion? Absolutely not. In fact Igor [Makarov, Team Katusha owner] had to buy the European Cycling Federation just to get Pat’s attention. That’s 14 votes that Pat needs to get re-elected. Is that the kind of organization we should have?” ranted Cookson as he continued, “Enough of the cronyism in Aigle. Today, London showed everyone where cycling belongs. In the hands of the fans and the athletes. It has been an amazing two days.”
Sir Hoy was initially taken aback by Cookson’s statements, but after listening to the rant, offered his take.
“I agree with Brian that the sport needs to change. Women in the sport are unhappy, and resorting to name calling. The pro road folks have to traipse across the globe 12 months of the year to race now, and mountain biking is pretty much ignored. If it weren’t for England and the Revolution UK series, track cycling would be dead in the water. Maybe I should give the git a run for his money,” concluded Hoy.
The Olympic Test Event in London was an eye opener for the UCI, however, as UCI president Pat McQuaid spent most of his three days in the Velodrome glad-handing VIPs in the bowels of the stadium, avoiding the crowds, the athletes, and members of the London Olympic Committee. He even ate the entire buffet of sushi, which led to Lionel J. Birnie taking to Twitter to complain. When asked about how he would fare against Hoy in a presidential campaign, McQuaid was candid.
“Looks like his samples may have to make a slight detour. Oopsie,” burbled McQuaid as tipped back another pint of Guinness.
Noted Sir Chris Hoy archivist Nick Hussey, CEO of Vulpine cycling clothing, offered his expert analysis on Hoy’s bid for UCI president, “He’d win by a landslide. I think the federations are finally fed up with that fat prat Pat, and Hoy has the intelligence, the looks, and the charm to turn cycling into the top sport on the planet. The UCI is about promotion, and who better to promote the sport, give the federations their voice back, and liaise with the roadies? It’s Hoy. No question. I love the man.”
No doubt British cycling fans will be rejoicing at the coming Olympics after Sir Hoy’s dominating performances at the World Track Cup, and as one anonymous fan concluded, “I hope that Hoy follows through to save our sport from that obese corrupt despot.”