It was announced in London today by Team Sky boss David Brailsford that team members Cavendish and Wiggins would be recording Sister Sledge’s 1970s hit “We Are Family” with the assistance of select team Great Britain cyclists and English members of Team Sky.
“We were inspired by the genius of Team GreenEDGE in recording their song, which has definitely transferred into dynamite team unity for those boys. We felt we needed some way to create the same unity here in the British Isles,” stated Brailsford via conference call today.
When asked how they decided on the Sister Sledge tune, Brailsford was reflective, “As Brad is a bit of a mod kid, and Cav likes to party, we could only come up with an adequate song from their respective genres of music, so I just told them it was going to be this 70s tune because it would be the most marketable. Brad would mope no matter what song we picked, anyhow.”
Noticeably absent from the lineup of back-up singers for the tune was former Team GB member David Millar. Wiggins flatly refused to comment on that development whatsoever and told us he’d rather speak about other items.
“Look, I have no opinion on the fact that David Millar was left out of the recording. None whatsoever. It’s not as if he’s hurting professionally. His book is better than anything I could even dream of writing. He’s got the movie star good looks and knows how to knot a tie properly. He’d never be caught dead showing his navel in a photo shoot, and frankly wouldn’t be caught dead in these ridiculous pressers that Brailsford makes us do. In fact, I’m incredibly jealous of the fucker because, unlike me, he resisted the money and stayed with Vaughters. And he always looks so goddamned smug about it every time I see him. And he rode better than I did in Copenhagen. So no, I have no opinon on him or the matter at all,” summarized Wiggins.
Brailsford and Cavendish were unavailable for comment as they were audibly heard hanging up from the conference call during Wiggins non-opinionated opinion rant.
Also noticeably absent from the pack of cyclists scheduled to record were the female professionals who will be lining up for Team GB at the Olympics.
“Should that really surprise you? C’mon it’s Brailsford after all,” commented Lizzie Armistead when she was reached for comment.
Noted music historian and former Island Records press king Neil Storey offered his opinion on the matter, “I think leaving Millar out of the song is a travesty. We both know that Cav and Wiggo can’t carry a tune to save their lives, let alone get along as teammates. Millar at least would have lent some sort of musicality to it. And Sister Sledge? You’ve got to be kidding me.”
Brailsford stated that the recording will be ready in time for the Tour de France prologue, provided that Team Sky will resist implosion prior to Paris-Roubaix, noting that Cavendish’s and Wiggins’ schedules purposefully won’t coincide prior to the Tour.