Manxman world champion sprinter Mark Cavendish pitched a fit Thursday morning when he discovered that Greg Henderson had successfully campaigned to convince his Lotto-Belisol teammate Andre Greipel to return to Twitter.
“What the hell? Greipel on Twitter? Again? Are you f***ing kidding me? Do I have to demonstrate my awesomeness and dominance, on the computer, too? C’mon, he can’t challenge me on Twitter. He only has like 800 followers after the first day and I had over 30,000. He’s got no game. This is ridiculous! Why should he even f***ing bother?” fumed a vocally angry Cavendish via phone.
It seems that 2012 is shaping up to be a battle of sprinters not only on the open road, but also on social networking platforms as well. According to social media expert and Velo Magazine editor Neal Rogers, the fire in the battle between Greipel and Cavendish will be stoked via Twitter.
“I look forward to Greipel and Cavendish throwing down with the tweets. I think a battle between those two would definitely ROCK our cycling Twitter experience to the max,” an excited Rogers relayed.
Greg Henderson, wingman for the sprinter known as “Gorilla,” held a press conference at his favorite café in Adelaide where he spoke about Greipel’s return to Twitter and the timing of the re-entry.
“Andre is the most talented sprinter in the world and now he has a superior sprint train to that guy from the tiny island close to England. It was time for him to personally tell his story to the multitude of fans the world over, rather than allow certain smug twits the opportunity to strike first after those said twits lose races all year to the big German,” declared a fit Henderson. “Frankly, I’m sure cycling fans will appreciate the tweets from Andre that discuss cycling, rather than someone’s bleats about furniture, diapers, and random thoughts on Top Gear and The Office.”
Greipel appeared to be in the best shape of his career as he spoke before the crowd of reporters gathered at the secret café location. Onlookers gaped in awe at the chiseled chin, the porcelain features, and the massive nature of his well-developed quadriceps. Following a 15-minute standing ovation, Greipel shed one tear in appreciation of the gesture of support from the bi-partisan crowd. As he spoke, a hush fell over the audience.
“Thank you for your enthusiasm. I am very pleased that Lotto-Belisol has given me the opportunity to showcase my sprinting talents without any additional distractions from almost-French former world champions. I feel this is my year to demonstrate what I can do with a team dedicated to help me achieve victories. Unlike other sprinters, I will also be unselfishly helping my fellow teammates at races, and hope to help showcase Greg’s talent to his home crowds here down under,” stated Greipel.
Upon hearing Greipel’s gracious comments to the press in Adelaide, Cavendish was succinct in his opinion, ”Thank Christ I’m not starting my season in that bloody penal colony. I won’t have to gape at that grin anytime soon. Anyone seen my doughnuts?”
Greipel, Henderson and the rest of the Lotto-Belisol team are the favorites heading into the Tour Down Under, beginning with the Down Under Classic on Sunday, January 15th, 2012.