As alluded to on twitter earlier today by Trek’s “VP of Social Media,” Gary Fisher, Trek Bicycle has announced the hiring of Riccardo Riccò as “pro-team liasion.”
“We’re thrilled to have Ricco join our team,” commented Fisher. “He represents a man that can follow orders and also a man that has the dogged singlemindedness towards winning at all costs. These are traits that we admire in all of our Trek associates.”
Ricco’s first order of business is to fix the apparent breakdown between Johan Bruyneel (Team Radioshack) and Flavio Becca (LeOpArd-Trek) in relation to the merger of the two teams into one super team to combat the forthcoming BMC sweep of all podium placements in 2012.
“It’s true we initiated the conversation between Bruyneel and Becca back in May, once it became apparent to us that Bruyneel couldn’t get beyond [wanting to] bring Lance Armstrong back from retirement 3.0, after his success the first two times,” relayed Fisher. Bruyneel, faced with only a partial sponsorship from Nissan, and payment from Radio Shack in remote control cars, truly needs this merger to be successful to remain in the sport that he dominated nine times previously.
Fisher continued to discuss Trek’s plans for global domination, but due to the fact that he refused to reschedule his haircut in Sydney for the press conference, most of his words were missed due to the noise of the multiple hairdryers in use to coif his signature hairstyle. The mountain biking legend concluded by saying that Ricco has been programmed with his marching orders, and that Fisher expects complete victory on planet Earth with Ricco dominating the liaison field for 2012 and beyond.
When reached for comment Ricco added, “It was smart of Trek to hire me. After rejecting overtures from SRAM, Specialized, and Pinarello, I accepted the Trek proposal in order to work for my hero, Johan Bruyneel. I feel I can help Johan and his bid to take over Leopard. I plan on becoming the first liaison officer to win the Tour de France.”
When reminded that liaison officers cannot race the Tour de France, Ricco picked up the phone to call Johan. After a 5-minute conversation with Bruyneel in Italian, Ricco hung up the phone with a confident smile.
“Johan says that with him I can do anything. Johan says that he will make everything possible like he always does. Johan promised that I will win the tour in 2012 if I conclude this negotiation in a winning way for him,” asserted Ricco.
Bruyneel, as usual, could not be found nor reached for comment.